Such A Rat Race

Just a thought. Correct me if I'm wrong but what is it with Monday mornings that you just have to be early in everything? It's a known and widely accepted fact that being the first day of another hellish week, jumpstarting it right is the best way to go, well not unless you want to cut through the rest of the week feeling not so much alive. It's almost three months since my body clock has been adjusting to a new environment. Personally, I really try to make sense in going to work early and heading out quite late than usual. Ganito ba talaga? I'm not hard to convince anyway, so I ride on life as it ebbs and flows. But as of late, damn, my body is starting to react to the horridness of stress.

But what is stress anyway? I've always been a paranoid person...so when I started feeling the right side of my arm numb...plus the fact that Nelia is still in the hospital...well, do the math and I ended up thinking I may be having an encounter with stroke. I know I sound weird but I did feel the back of my neck aching. I am a very tired woman, I don't know how to stop until that day when I just brought myself to the hospital. The entire day I was feeling dizzy and I was beginning to imagine taking the day off but I couldn't; I just had too much to do. I had to let the day finish before I can drive myself home and go to the emergency room of the hospital. While the doctor was busy scolding the woman in front of me (she was insisting she had a case of dengue when the fact remains that her tonsils were inflammed hence the reason why she had a fever), I was staring long and hard at the nurse taking my blood pressure and praying to God that I am not having a bout of high blood. Well fortunately, mine was still in the range of what we can consider as normal. I just need to find out what causes this dizziness I've been having lately. Looking back, it started a week ago when I was working on a weekend.

So the doctor turned to me, attempted to flirt by suggesting I go to Europe to take a rest (and that came with a wink, mind you) and then asked me about my routine the past couple of days. It remains the same: my average day lasts for about 18 hours and could be a combination of work + pleasure but mostly work and all things that come to play. And doctor's diagnosis? I developed a case of stress-induced vertigo and I was told to take 3 days of complete rest. Bought my meds and the days that came after that I'm always thinking...when will this rat race be over? It doesn't help to know that the age group that I belong to almost always has this kind of condition. Guess it is really that time in my life that I try to make something out of what I am given?

See the thing is, the world is so damn competitive. You just have to be where the action is and at least get a portion of that scene, give it back to your bosses and then pray that it lasts for more than 15 seconds. Something like that. Too much pressure I suppose...and I know I need to take things a little slower this time. Well I attempt to, but I still end up thinking what I need to do...even when I am in bed trying to get some sleep. I'm such a stubborn person eh? I do need to take a rest, a long holiday and recharge all my batteries. But 4 weeks is still 4 weeks; I haven't thought that far yet. Plus I am still reeling from the fact that I couldn't attend the wedding reception of my good friend because guess what? After doing the second reading in his church wedding I gotta go rush to the airport, take the last flight and prepare for a full day meeting the following day. My life is dependent on other people's lives. I am definitely missing out on something here.

But this is what's given to me. Like to whom much is given, much is expected. I can go on and on and on like this but it doesn't change the fact that my health is beginning to be affected. Guess I better take care of myself now more than ever --- that is, if I want to grow old and gray and see Gabe get married and have kids!