My So-Called Abstinence
In the priest's homily yesterday in celebration of Ash Wednesday, it was mentioned that as part of the Lenten season, we should be able to abstain on certain things as part of our sacrifice. I'm very much weak when it comes to eggs (super favorite, together with pancit canton :D) and I want them runny and soft and I almost always have them everyday --- to the point that I'm having allergy attacks. Protein overdose I guess. I've been thinking of trying to cut down on it (take note no mention still of smoking --- my worst vice) but I haven't been successful today.
I'm still affected by the recent goings-on in my personal life, and admittedly, I have a loooong way to go as far as moving on is concerned. Although I try to take it one day at a time and focus on the other important things, at the end of the day, thoughts surrounding this particular aspect always come to mind. Sometimes I end up crying silently while looking for that sweet spot to lull me to sleep --- I do miss him. Heck, I miss him everyday. And it takes a lot from me NOT to want to see him. In the absence of certainty, I guess it may be better to consider this as my abstinence --- or the ultimate sacrifice of just retreating back to my corner and sacrificing what little time I could spend to cherish some memories about him. I need to be busy, busier and maybe busiest at this point in my life and if that's what it takes, why not. I haven't been praying much lately; and maybe now is the best time to start doing that in the hope that maybe I could put some sense to my paralyzing brain and be able to feel good about that decision I have made not too long ago. I refuse to be vulnerable and weak, I don't want to go back to square one.
Sacrifice, abstinence, giving up, these are just some of the things running on in my mind while I try to go through the misery brought about by a love that has failed. Will I ever have my own kind of resurrection? More importantly, the kicker is if I can even rise from the dead. It sounds bitter but I'm not. I guess it's high time to just simply concentrate on what's in my hands right now --- and probably to stop having my eggs tomorrow morning. For a start.
