Sunday, January 21, 2007

November to January = NOW

And time has passed by so fast…I keep on catching up. Huffing and puffing! Such a happy problem isn’t it?

Looking back, everything was good. Not in all aspects though but at least in the more important ones. After all, who has everything anyway? We can never be perfect. And so here I am, still grounding myself by updating this blog and oh yeah, my 2007 planner :-)

I saw myself in November talking to a dear friend of mine who has been having marriage problems as of late. I’m not surprised though as he got married not by choice but by chance. Kinda funny though, especially when you’ve only been married for less than two years! I mean, whatever happened to the honeymooning period? Either it never existed in their lives or they had it during their pre-married days! Gosh…stories like that never fail to amaze and inspire me…I surely wouldn’t want to get married half heartedly! I mean, don’t we all?

And of course, let us not forget the ever increasing number of weddings we all have to attend to. I’ve had like seven weddings for 2006 to attend and doing so has always been a question of who’s gonna be next. Vivs and Andre got married this month and it’s really bizarre how they managed to have the kind of story that they have. Girl is bored and goes online. Enters a chat room and talks to someone. That someone of course happens to be Andre and cut to present tense, boy flies to Manila and they hit it off quite well…to the point that girl flies to California and the rest is history. I mean…tell me…what is the probability of that happening for all the single women out there? I tell you, if that trick really works, surely no single woman would ever want to go out and party again! But yeah that’s a different story altogether; and besides, luck plays a vital role in the whole relationship scenario…and time as well I suppose…two important things which I actually do not have the luxury to rave about. And this madness of being single can actually be fun (albeit tiring), especially when I go to weddings because it is a feast to the eyes: you get to see your friends walk down the aisle all dolled up…see them marry the man of their dreams and maybe get myself inspired with the fact that certainly, happy endings still exist and probably some good things do last. Yeah…why not? I thrive on inspiration…and this terrible need to be inspired everyday! Haha…creative idleness does help me to get by.

And so the weddings go on until December…boy did I love Jo’s wedding. It was a perfect wedding to say the least and everything was carefully orchestrated. And lest I be known as a ghostly guest, yes, I went to Raymar’s wedding. I may not be seen on the pictures as I had to catch a flight to HK, but yeah, I was there.

December was a totally crazy month for me. I have practiced the art of closing my eyes for a while to rest. Later on I learned that such exercise is called sleeping. There were just too many things to do with so little time! I never realized how can I be time space warped to today thinking how the hell did I even manage to survive the month that was. I went to three weddings, two of which were done in a manner befitting only those who can probably do a million things at any given time. Now I get to laugh thinking about it. Such a rush…and a natural high at that. Oh and let us not forget all the Christmas parties that have to be attended, including ours! After having a silent fight with a colleague of mine, of course the dear boss wanted all of us to have a merry Christmas and hence the voluntary gesture of being the mediator for us to patch things up. I think it is all about acceptance of how certain people are and being able to move on and forget everything that’s not worth remembering. I tell you, that’s not only for relationships or what-not, gosh it also works as far as the workplace is concerned! I really surprise myself sometimes.

When I think about it, I actually thought that I’d be going through the holidays blindly --- well I was as a matter of fact, I guess up until that Hong Kong trip culminated. I owe it to David though for making me feel the Christmas spirit and of course, being Kay-ish about it, I found myself one Sunday afternoon in Rockwell pulling again yet another surprise. Such a weakness of mine really when I think about it. Sometimes I’m so damn naïve to the point that I fail to see the bigger picture and I get eaten up by my freaking moment and I end up, well, doing what I wanted to do in the first place but with a hanging question lingering in my head…was it really worth it? But I try to appease myself in saying that I can’t turn back the time; and at least whatever it is that I did at the time felt truly right. And why not? We only get to live once! So savor the good moments and throw away the bad ones. It’s just that I had a great time in Hong Kong…so why the hell shouldn’t I do something about it? I was already in Bora when he called me up from Texas and I tell you, I was so beyond that by then. I mean, I went to Bora with Julia and friends and a lot of things has happened…whatever happened to the “delayed” follow through? See that’s the thing with men nowadays. They so lack consistency. Which is why my mantra nowadays is: consistency is the key --- if not the only key. I mean we all look for the same kind anyway right? As long as they fit the bill (and not even to a T, because of course the older we get, forget about standards and expectations and everything that’s between) and are kind enough…what else is missing? Consistency. They just have to be consistent. But for some reason, I don’t know…does it come with age? Or cynicism? Or maybe men I meet nowadays are just plain jaded? Oh and let us not forget those who have issues with control! This one really tops my list. A guy professes his feelings to me but ends up doing nothing because by doing something about it would mean that he is losing control and he just can’t take that. It’s soooo lucid. God save us from all this misery. I’m happy we have the choice to choose. You know? Like how Miranda says, I’d rather stay home than go out with someone who sells socks on the internet. In my case, I’d rather snore to death that go out with men who have shitty issues! It’s funny how men entertain me with their idiosyncrasies. They’re all of the same kind! Although I wouldn’t know if Brian is like that too as I haven’t known him for a long time to classify him as such. Yeah…he could be interesting too for me…but I haven’t heard from him the past few days. He told me he wanted to join me in Feb in HK (that’s the working plan) but in the absence of such confirmation I’d take that as a tentative. But I hope he is the difference…and a big one at that. I showed my mom all the pictures and she found him to be the most “eligible” of them all. Haha --- that just sounded like my mom’s pimping all the men out there for me! So you see, there lies the hope that maybe one day some consistent guy will come out of the blue and show me the big diff. But in the meantime, I content myself with what I have in my hands now. A relationship with someone called work and yeah…we’re fine and dandy! Just a few months into my new job I got the sweetest Christmas gift of it all: a contract signed no less than the CEO. Sweetness!!! I pride myself with the fact that everything was damn worth it --- the sleepless nights, the bout with vertigo, the fight with my colleague and my being an MIA in my graduate school. I’m just so happy! I know this is the start of bigger and better things in store for me this 2007 that’s why I can’t help but rave just how much I enjoyed New Year’s Eve in Bora. I mean, I was with great company, I had the best beach moment ever (you bet) and most importantly, I said goodbye to that disappointment called 2006! Not sounding too sarcastic about it but you know the feeling of being able to let go something that you thought was with you the whole time but wasn’t? It just so feels right that you’re so out of it and that you’re in a place that’s far better and more appealing. I love it and at this point in time, I really couldn’t ask for me. Well…except for consistency! We go back to square one and obviously I am running in circles! Hahahaha!

I told myself at the start of the year that I am responsible in all the things that I place myself in, so I gotta be more on guard and more careful. Jayjay made me promise to him and I did…and I did so because I know he’s right. We should stick to the people who make us better versions of ourselves and veer away from the toxic ones. Amen to that! For some reason, I just feel empowered this year more than ever. I feel like I can really make decisions and not be dictated by somebody else. I just hope I make the right ones.

And so I go on…immersing myself deeply with what I have and loving it. I’m out next week and the next month will be major for me as a lot of traveling is involved. I still hope I get to pull off Madrid and meet Julia’s Jose! Que sera sera. For now, I’ve got Japan and Hong Kong to fill my working calendar. It’s going to be winter for me!!!

I remember Andy Sachs asking Miranda Priestly in the movie The Devil Wears Prada. Anything else I can do? Your job.

She couldn’t have said any better.

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