Randomness

It has been such a loooong time since I've written something here! Oh well, time just goes by so fast you forget to update what's happening in your personal life (or the lack of it actually). There have been a lot of significant changes (and hopefully more to come) that transpired recently --- giving me the much needed peace and relief I'm currently enjoying (to my surprise). Think the only thing that I hope to improve on is work. God I've been slacking off for a month or so already! Everything is just blah --- waking up early, going to work and worst of all, pretending you're damn busy!

Gabe's turning 6 this coming Sunday! It's been that long huh? I'm so excited!

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I've been rereading some old personal emails and found this:


Wish you were there at the party I went to tonight.
I wish I was there with you.
Would be good if we danced here together.
Dancing is part of my plan. Just give me thirty years.
You have to dance with me when I'm there.
Haha. Really. If you can make me.
Remember who surprised who.
Haha. Let's see if you have the winning streak.
And what's my prize if I win?
Name it.
You.
Not a bad choice.
The only choice.

And to my delight, a conversation like this actually transpired:

Road to Taming
a conversation between him and myself

He starts...

"Busy at work?"

"You know I can never be too busy for someone like you."

"Flattery will get you nowhere. With you I just lose all sense of time."

"I'm not going anywhere. Still here. Well with you there is more life into a time with no boundaries."

"Thank you. Why are you so pandurog? With you I just look at all the limitless hope that avail themselves."

"At least you're smiling."

"I can only look at you for injecting a healthy shot of pandurog into my life."

"I didn't inject any. You made it happen to yourself. Because you saw the beauty in it."

"It is easier to smile about everything in life than spending a lifetime stressing over things we have no control of."

"Don't rely on what you can only see. You just have to close your eyes and trust whatever's inside you. Because there is truth behind it."

"It has been years since I trusted my heart. I've yet to relearn compromising between my heart and mind again. Thank goodness I have a lot of patience and understanding."

"When you've seen enough, that's the time you close your eyes. That's the time you trust your heart."

"Here I was thinking it was your beauty that I saw."

"Is it enough then? Remember that once you've fully accepted what's inside you, you can easily detach yourself in a way that you wouldn't get consumed by it."

And so I end.

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It's crazy isn't it? Life is unpredictable and whatever will happen in the future really depends on the choices we make. I'm not gonna start on the whole destiny or serendipity issue but one thing is for sure --- I've been there and done that! Haha. Not that I don't want another dose of it but I still think I'm better off without another repeat. Thinking about it, it was good while it lasted. I was crazy, in love and totally vulnerable. And a mess in the process! I was at my lowest when it crumbled right before my eyes and it took some time for me to get going again. He would try to keep in touch and when he went here for a holiday, I almost agreed to meet him. But eventually got turned off --- am I supposed to work within his limited schedule? I don't think so honey.

That was my 2004. Damn...it has been 2 years.