Sunday, January 21, 2007

November to January = NOW

And time has passed by so fast…I keep on catching up. Huffing and puffing! Such a happy problem isn’t it?

Looking back, everything was good. Not in all aspects though but at least in the more important ones. After all, who has everything anyway? We can never be perfect. And so here I am, still grounding myself by updating this blog and oh yeah, my 2007 planner :-)

I saw myself in November talking to a dear friend of mine who has been having marriage problems as of late. I’m not surprised though as he got married not by choice but by chance. Kinda funny though, especially when you’ve only been married for less than two years! I mean, whatever happened to the honeymooning period? Either it never existed in their lives or they had it during their pre-married days! Gosh…stories like that never fail to amaze and inspire me…I surely wouldn’t want to get married half heartedly! I mean, don’t we all?

And of course, let us not forget the ever increasing number of weddings we all have to attend to. I’ve had like seven weddings for 2006 to attend and doing so has always been a question of who’s gonna be next. Vivs and Andre got married this month and it’s really bizarre how they managed to have the kind of story that they have. Girl is bored and goes online. Enters a chat room and talks to someone. That someone of course happens to be Andre and cut to present tense, boy flies to Manila and they hit it off quite well…to the point that girl flies to California and the rest is history. I mean…tell me…what is the probability of that happening for all the single women out there? I tell you, if that trick really works, surely no single woman would ever want to go out and party again! But yeah that’s a different story altogether; and besides, luck plays a vital role in the whole relationship scenario…and time as well I suppose…two important things which I actually do not have the luxury to rave about. And this madness of being single can actually be fun (albeit tiring), especially when I go to weddings because it is a feast to the eyes: you get to see your friends walk down the aisle all dolled up…see them marry the man of their dreams and maybe get myself inspired with the fact that certainly, happy endings still exist and probably some good things do last. Yeah…why not? I thrive on inspiration…and this terrible need to be inspired everyday! Haha…creative idleness does help me to get by.

And so the weddings go on until December…boy did I love Jo’s wedding. It was a perfect wedding to say the least and everything was carefully orchestrated. And lest I be known as a ghostly guest, yes, I went to Raymar’s wedding. I may not be seen on the pictures as I had to catch a flight to HK, but yeah, I was there.

December was a totally crazy month for me. I have practiced the art of closing my eyes for a while to rest. Later on I learned that such exercise is called sleeping. There were just too many things to do with so little time! I never realized how can I be time space warped to today thinking how the hell did I even manage to survive the month that was. I went to three weddings, two of which were done in a manner befitting only those who can probably do a million things at any given time. Now I get to laugh thinking about it. Such a rush…and a natural high at that. Oh and let us not forget all the Christmas parties that have to be attended, including ours! After having a silent fight with a colleague of mine, of course the dear boss wanted all of us to have a merry Christmas and hence the voluntary gesture of being the mediator for us to patch things up. I think it is all about acceptance of how certain people are and being able to move on and forget everything that’s not worth remembering. I tell you, that’s not only for relationships or what-not, gosh it also works as far as the workplace is concerned! I really surprise myself sometimes.

When I think about it, I actually thought that I’d be going through the holidays blindly --- well I was as a matter of fact, I guess up until that Hong Kong trip culminated. I owe it to David though for making me feel the Christmas spirit and of course, being Kay-ish about it, I found myself one Sunday afternoon in Rockwell pulling again yet another surprise. Such a weakness of mine really when I think about it. Sometimes I’m so damn naïve to the point that I fail to see the bigger picture and I get eaten up by my freaking moment and I end up, well, doing what I wanted to do in the first place but with a hanging question lingering in my head…was it really worth it? But I try to appease myself in saying that I can’t turn back the time; and at least whatever it is that I did at the time felt truly right. And why not? We only get to live once! So savor the good moments and throw away the bad ones. It’s just that I had a great time in Hong Kong…so why the hell shouldn’t I do something about it? I was already in Bora when he called me up from Texas and I tell you, I was so beyond that by then. I mean, I went to Bora with Julia and friends and a lot of things has happened…whatever happened to the “delayed” follow through? See that’s the thing with men nowadays. They so lack consistency. Which is why my mantra nowadays is: consistency is the key --- if not the only key. I mean we all look for the same kind anyway right? As long as they fit the bill (and not even to a T, because of course the older we get, forget about standards and expectations and everything that’s between) and are kind enough…what else is missing? Consistency. They just have to be consistent. But for some reason, I don’t know…does it come with age? Or cynicism? Or maybe men I meet nowadays are just plain jaded? Oh and let us not forget those who have issues with control! This one really tops my list. A guy professes his feelings to me but ends up doing nothing because by doing something about it would mean that he is losing control and he just can’t take that. It’s soooo lucid. God save us from all this misery. I’m happy we have the choice to choose. You know? Like how Miranda says, I’d rather stay home than go out with someone who sells socks on the internet. In my case, I’d rather snore to death that go out with men who have shitty issues! It’s funny how men entertain me with their idiosyncrasies. They’re all of the same kind! Although I wouldn’t know if Brian is like that too as I haven’t known him for a long time to classify him as such. Yeah…he could be interesting too for me…but I haven’t heard from him the past few days. He told me he wanted to join me in Feb in HK (that’s the working plan) but in the absence of such confirmation I’d take that as a tentative. But I hope he is the difference…and a big one at that. I showed my mom all the pictures and she found him to be the most “eligible” of them all. Haha --- that just sounded like my mom’s pimping all the men out there for me! So you see, there lies the hope that maybe one day some consistent guy will come out of the blue and show me the big diff. But in the meantime, I content myself with what I have in my hands now. A relationship with someone called work and yeah…we’re fine and dandy! Just a few months into my new job I got the sweetest Christmas gift of it all: a contract signed no less than the CEO. Sweetness!!! I pride myself with the fact that everything was damn worth it --- the sleepless nights, the bout with vertigo, the fight with my colleague and my being an MIA in my graduate school. I’m just so happy! I know this is the start of bigger and better things in store for me this 2007 that’s why I can’t help but rave just how much I enjoyed New Year’s Eve in Bora. I mean, I was with great company, I had the best beach moment ever (you bet) and most importantly, I said goodbye to that disappointment called 2006! Not sounding too sarcastic about it but you know the feeling of being able to let go something that you thought was with you the whole time but wasn’t? It just so feels right that you’re so out of it and that you’re in a place that’s far better and more appealing. I love it and at this point in time, I really couldn’t ask for me. Well…except for consistency! We go back to square one and obviously I am running in circles! Hahahaha!

I told myself at the start of the year that I am responsible in all the things that I place myself in, so I gotta be more on guard and more careful. Jayjay made me promise to him and I did…and I did so because I know he’s right. We should stick to the people who make us better versions of ourselves and veer away from the toxic ones. Amen to that! For some reason, I just feel empowered this year more than ever. I feel like I can really make decisions and not be dictated by somebody else. I just hope I make the right ones.

And so I go on…immersing myself deeply with what I have and loving it. I’m out next week and the next month will be major for me as a lot of traveling is involved. I still hope I get to pull off Madrid and meet Julia’s Jose! Que sera sera. For now, I’ve got Japan and Hong Kong to fill my working calendar. It’s going to be winter for me!!!

I remember Andy Sachs asking Miranda Priestly in the movie The Devil Wears Prada. Anything else I can do? Your job.

She couldn’t have said any better.

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Sunday, November 19, 2006

Such A Rat Race

Just a thought. Correct me if I'm wrong but what is it with Monday mornings that you just have to be early in everything? It's a known and widely accepted fact that being the first day of another hellish week, jumpstarting it right is the best way to go, well not unless you want to cut through the rest of the week feeling not so much alive. It's almost three months since my body clock has been adjusting to a new environment. Personally, I really try to make sense in going to work early and heading out quite late than usual. Ganito ba talaga? I'm not hard to convince anyway, so I ride on life as it ebbs and flows. But as of late, damn, my body is starting to react to the horridness of stress.

But what is stress anyway? I've always been a paranoid person...so when I started feeling the right side of my arm numb...plus the fact that Nelia is still in the hospital...well, do the math and I ended up thinking I may be having an encounter with stroke. I know I sound weird but I did feel the back of my neck aching. I am a very tired woman, I don't know how to stop until that day when I just brought myself to the hospital. The entire day I was feeling dizzy and I was beginning to imagine taking the day off but I couldn't; I just had too much to do. I had to let the day finish before I can drive myself home and go to the emergency room of the hospital. While the doctor was busy scolding the woman in front of me (she was insisting she had a case of dengue when the fact remains that her tonsils were inflammed hence the reason why she had a fever), I was staring long and hard at the nurse taking my blood pressure and praying to God that I am not having a bout of high blood. Well fortunately, mine was still in the range of what we can consider as normal. I just need to find out what causes this dizziness I've been having lately. Looking back, it started a week ago when I was working on a weekend.

So the doctor turned to me, attempted to flirt by suggesting I go to Europe to take a rest (and that came with a wink, mind you) and then asked me about my routine the past couple of days. It remains the same: my average day lasts for about 18 hours and could be a combination of work + pleasure but mostly work and all things that come to play. And doctor's diagnosis? I developed a case of stress-induced vertigo and I was told to take 3 days of complete rest. Bought my meds and the days that came after that I'm always thinking...when will this rat race be over? It doesn't help to know that the age group that I belong to almost always has this kind of condition. Guess it is really that time in my life that I try to make something out of what I am given?

See the thing is, the world is so damn competitive. You just have to be where the action is and at least get a portion of that scene, give it back to your bosses and then pray that it lasts for more than 15 seconds. Something like that. Too much pressure I suppose...and I know I need to take things a little slower this time. Well I attempt to, but I still end up thinking what I need to do...even when I am in bed trying to get some sleep. I'm such a stubborn person eh? I do need to take a rest, a long holiday and recharge all my batteries. But 4 weeks is still 4 weeks; I haven't thought that far yet. Plus I am still reeling from the fact that I couldn't attend the wedding reception of my good friend because guess what? After doing the second reading in his church wedding I gotta go rush to the airport, take the last flight and prepare for a full day meeting the following day. My life is dependent on other people's lives. I am definitely missing out on something here.

But this is what's given to me. Like to whom much is given, much is expected. I can go on and on and on like this but it doesn't change the fact that my health is beginning to be affected. Guess I better take care of myself now more than ever --- that is, if I want to grow old and gray and see Gabe get married and have kids!

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Sunday, November 12, 2006

Better Days

I am sooo loving this song right now:

Silver gray hair
Neatly combed in place
There were four generations
Of love on her face
She was so wise
No surprise passed her eyes
She's seen it all

I was a child, oh
About three or four
All day I'd ask questions
At night I'd ask more
But whenever, she never
Would ever turn me away
No, no oh woah
I'd say how can I be sure
What is right or wrong
And why does
What I want
Always take so long
Please tell me
Where does God live
And why won't
He talk to me
I'd say Grandma
What is love
Will I ever find out
Why are we so poor
What is life about
I wanna know the answers
Before I fall off to sleep
Woah ho woah ho

She saw the smile
As she tucked me in
Then she pulled up that
Old rockin' chair once again
But tonight she was
Slightly, remarkably
Different somehow
Slowly she rocked
Lookin' half asleep
Grandma yawned
As she stretched
Then she started to speak
What she told me
Would mould me and hold me
Together inside
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

She said all the things you ask
You will know someday
But you have got to live
In a patient way
God put us here by fate
And by fate that means
Better days

She said, child we are all
Moons in the dark of night
Ain't no mornings gonna come
Till the time is right
Can't get no better days lest
You make it through the night
You gotta make it
Through the night
Yes you do
You can't get to no
Better days
Unless you make it
Through the night (baby)
Oh ho, you will see
Those better days
But you gotta be patient
Be patient, oh baby
Be patient

Later that year at
The turn of spring
Heaven sent angels down
And gave Grandma her wings
Now, she's flyin'
And slidin', and glidin'
In better days
And although
I'm all grown up
I still get confused
I stumble through the dark
Getting bumped and bruised
When night gets in my way
I could still hear
My Grandma say
I can hear her say
I can hear her sayin'

You can't get to no
Better days
Unless you make it
Through the night (baby)
Oh ho, you will see
Those better days
But you gotta be patient
Child, do you hear me, yeah
Well, well, well, well
You can't get to no, no
Better days
Unless you make it
You got to make it
You got to make it
Through the night
Oh Grandma, oh Grandma
Do you see me now, lady
Oh oh oh oh oh


Be patient. One of the seven virtues we have to imbibe in our quest to achieve whatever dreams and goals we may have. I look at the overall picture of my life and each facet resonates the same thing --- that I be patient and wait for that day. It's hard actually, because knowing how impatient I am, I always have a problem when it comes to waiting. I hate waiting, I hate being late. I make things happen especially when it comes to work but of course you get to realize that you can only do so much and the rest you have to wait it out. But one good thing I have learned is knowing when to stop and stay put. The point of being in a state of steadiness that you can actually see things passing you by. The other day was a highlight in its own right and again, maybe the lifetime has been consumed already. I won't allow myself to become attached to someone and then what? It shouldn't be a one way street; I need to reverse my gear and go back again. There's nowhere to go if what's in front of you is a dead end right?

I wanted to go out last night and catch up with a dear friend but I was too tired to go back to Makati again. I wanted to "celebrate" happiness in what little way possible. Happiness being overrated, what I have isn't something major but damn, it does feel great to be in a highschool mode! He was pulling my leg (I almost fell for his joke!) and was being playful and pilyo --- katuwa to see someone with his profile do things that only boys would do. I did get an invite though, surprisingly and I asked why. Why not? Life, live it. Agree. Quite interesting, especially when you think of the fact that he goes sailing during weekends. Sooo different from the way I live my life --- and maybe that could be a happy problem. In any case, I hope to see him again here in Manila soon...or maybe in Hong Kong in a few weeks' time.

Patience...6 more weeks to go!!! I sooo need a holiday!

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Saturday, November 04, 2006

The Simple Life (or the challenge of getting to that)

But what constitutes a simple life? The past few days have been nothing but an experience of wanting to go back to the basics and getting rid of the complications, because anyway, we will end up in the same destination in one way or another. Carpe diem!

After my 7pm meeting I found myself heading to the emergency room of Makati Med (which isn't exactly the nicest place on earth to be in) to be with a colleague who suffered from stroke and aneurysm. Things happened too fast...she was just in the middle of a late afternoon meeting, complained of dizziness and the next thing she knew, she was being wheeled out of the office building and the left side of her body is now numb and she started slurring. In a flash everything can really change...and no matter how much we plan our lives, it may not necessarily turn that way especially when the hand of God comes in. I am now thinking of some "creative" way of how to quit that damn habit of smoking! And more importantly, to manage the stress level that I am dealing with day in and day out. Grabe, in an instant we can really be gone if we don't take care of ourselves.

And then last night at Capones with Miko and Vince, both of them are saying that it really is the simple life that matters the most. I saw Mark in Miko --- magpinsan nga sila! Super bait and extremely nice! He would make it a point to be home during the weekends to be with Angelo (non-negotiable) and he wouldn't take a job outside the country even if given the chance (similar to myself, he would be getting a hold departure order in any case!). On the other hand, Vince, who manages his own content provider in the US, would give anything just to be able to come home more frequently because, as what he said, pampered ka dito eh. Someone will pick you up in the airport, you get home and the maid will bring your stuff in and your dinner will still be warm with that comfy feeling of having home cooked food. I guess it is in the contentment and satisfaction we get that we can only determine if we are living the simple life? I mean, both Miko and myself work in companies that deal with the same customer and we work our asses off...to reach that goal of, as how Miko put it, achieving the 4 rules: eat 3x a day, uminom, make sure your family is happy and healthy and manood ng sine. And when I think about it, it has been a freaking long time since I last watched a movie. As in yung sa sinehan ha. I wouldn't know if I should go watch a movie by my lonesome nang matapos na ang lahat or get that perfect time to do so. Weird diba?! But yeah, simple lang talaga dapat. How to do it is the ultimate question. I am grounding my family background on a technicality that life cannot be that simple --- especially my dad's side because I have a tita who married three times (God bless her soul), countless cousins who changed their last names as frequently as they want to and a lot of other shady characters that would put "simplicity" to non-existence. I mean, is it really a simple life letting a 3 year old girl travel all the way to the US just by herself? Such interesting and funny experiences that comprise the lives of my clan eh? I am beginning to miss my email correspondences with Auntie Jenny.

So how? I'm going to Medical City, visit my newborn niece and be happy over the fact that life is still good and having your own family is the best thing in the world and pray to God that I'd be blessed the same! Ayan! Nang matuwa naman ako kahit papano. Unknown to many, God knows how much color I need to add to my life! It just cannot be work the whole time diba?! Ops, don't wanna be jaded all over again.

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Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Black coffee, Sandrine, Tokyo, EBF and the Future

Days passed by so fast that it is almost November. And I'm sure November's gonna come by fast enough as well --- and with this comes the season once again! Just a thought.

Right now I've shifted to having my coffee black instead of the usual coffee+cream+sugar. I dunno, I remember Mark telling me that Paolo drinks his coffee that way for the longest time, coupled by the exercises he's been doing to be the very lean person he is now. Not that I am planning to be athletic (or start exercising for that matter!) but I guess this change in the way I do my morning ritual is a good alternative to loading up on sugar. Besides, I need to lose weight! Haha. New Year's eve is just around the corner...me and Jules would need a lot of preparation! So we'll see how it goes.

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A week and a half ago I went to the baptism of Sandrine, my newest goddaughter. Cute little girl with chubby cheeks --- yup just like baby marshmallow cheeks! Gabe is indeed a kuya to a few of my inaanak...but I guess nothing beats having your own girl huh? I was in the train on my last day in Tokyo and I saw this Japanese girl who is just so cute I couldn't help but take a picture of her. Japanese baby girls really tug my heart! They look so lovable with their chinky eyes!

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And so the Tokyo trip is done and over with. Looking back, no matter how tiring it was (meetings ending at 11ish or so), everything was worth it. On top of the business agenda we've covered, I'm glad we were able to tour around and go to places that even our executive consultant hasn't gone to! We went to Matsushima Bay (said to be the top 3 place to go to in Japan) and the view is amazing --- on board a ferry and with close encounters with the seagulls (we fed them with prawn crackers), you would want life to stop right there and then. Think Kate Beckinsale in Serendipity when she boarded a ferry and just enjoyed the calmness the bay brings. Something like that. Yuki-san, our tour guide who is 66 years old and with two grandkids, looked nothing like a 66 year old lola I swear. She is very healthy and giggles like a high school girl which makes her all the more lovable! Her high pitched tone while explaining how to drink Japanese green tea is just so funny I was imitating her and teasing her about it. I guess people in Japan are particularly healthy and strong because of all the walking they do day in and day out (which up to now I am still learning to accept --- at one point my feet nearly killed me!). She brought us to Zuiganji temple as well where we (me and my directors) bought fortune paper based on our blood type and checked what's in store for us for the remaining time of the year. The fortune paper is based on the year 2006 and what it told me is that my work is and will be going well but not much luck in the personal department (asa pa eh no) as this will come in later on. Never mind the latter, I'm all up for new deals and strategic closures!

Riding the shinkansen (bullet train) was an experience itself. First of all, it is very expensive to have that kind of transportation (think PhP15k for return) and since we need to go up north in Tokyo we had no choice but to go via shinkansen. It's nice because they have cars (coaches) that allow you to smoke and you can even reserve your seats. The best thing about it is even if the speed is like 300km/hr you wouldn't feel it. But damn, that ride was fast! Not to mention that the whole time the weather was perfect! Especially in Miyagi and Sendai, my trench coat was the best thing I got.


Overall, great people I've met along the way made the trip more than memorable. Ebisui-san helped me carry my stuff (heavy stuff that is) the whole time we were travelling; Matsuoka-san was totally funny and not your usual Japanese! Such a nice respite. My colleagues from Costa Rica looked more like Hollywood actors even --- Carlos being Brendan Fraser while Javier being Lou Diamond Phillips. Hahaha.

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EBF - who would've thought? Talking to Hazel brought me to time space warp again. I'm not sure if things are still the same but I am quite surprised to see that I wrote something about it (like the entire story). Very cheesy and very sappy! How come life is complicated? I know I make it complex but can't it just be fine and dandy?

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Cut to present tense, the next few weeks to come will be like make or break. But not the end all and be all type of thing but yeah, I would need to again stretch myself and see if we can get it. Work wise that is. But I can't wait for his visit. :) Makes me think of the itinerary na but I don't want to be so eager beaver. I was complaining to him when he called me up because I accidentally deleted the pictures while uploading the pics of last night from my cam. Ugh...Liza would kill me! But anyway, I so want to talk to Hong Kiat na...I want to get his view but of course I'd have to wait for him to come back from his holiday. So while doing so, things are still status quo and I'll go my way.


Damn, this is a blog I know but somehow, I just can't go deeper in my writing yet and put everything here. But yeah, it feels nice having something to read about later on...and maybe laugh at myself for all the idiosyncracies I have!

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Monday, October 16, 2006

Next question please

So glad the past week is over. Taking it one week at a time and enjoying this till it's done.

From heading out of work at way past Gabe's bedtime, to enjoying Belgian beers with colleagues (yep, even with Rod and David!) to brainstorming over at Kipling's, the entire week that was bordered on stretching yourself. You just gotta have that kind of energy to keep up. Quite happy that I was even exchanging Friday night conversation with the MP guy himself. Yahoo.

On a personal note, I got myself a new goddaughter! Happy happy happy :) But the kicker of the week? I love you Kay. Do you love me?

Ano sasagot ko dun? Next question please...

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Sunday, October 08, 2006

Ugh...

I just hope it is that time of the month to explain my mood swings lately. But right now...ugh...I feel pissed off over something. Just couldn't point at it yet! It's a good thing today's already Sunday and I could just put this to rest while I anticipate yet another week of being in the rat race.

Pero promise, naiirita talaga ako! I don't know if it's because I hate myself for being affected easily...or maybe I spent the whole day at home and didn't go to Wacat (hence this creative idleness)...but whatever it is, it damn hit some sensitive nerves in me to the point that I just want to call it a night. Ugh! Buti na lang by tomorrow makakalimutan ko na 'to.

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Saturday, October 07, 2006

Porch Night

Wait lang, trying to upload this pic earlier but couldn't do so for some reason.


May isang cute dito ng araw nato...bwehehehe


Guess who's projecting? Hahaha

Anyway, went to Porch in BF the other night to hang out with my old buddies from grade school. Nice to see people from way back but the kicker then was boy bastos. I totally wished I never had the chance to meet him! As usual, thanks to Pop na naman...

More thoughts later on...

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Saturday...at work

Not that I am in the office, but, yeah I gotta do some work today. On a weekend, yep. Having just finished our business planning yesterday totally justified my stress level for the past few weeks and I'm sure in the weeks to come. It's not even the bad kind of stress because I normally thrive on it, breathing it day in and day out. That's what's keep me going! The $$$ I need to bring in the next few months is just wild --- I need to deliver, I gotta bring this to the next higher level. Pressure 101 at its finest. But to me, it's all good and I do look forward to the challenges happening along the way. After all, work is the ultimate combination of my professional and personal life, with the latter having some aspects that are but non-existing.
In fact, I spent the afternoon buying some stuff for the two high level execs whom we will be accompanying somewhere by next week. I hope they will like our little token because I surely would want to buy myself one but I guess later on na lang. Got some other priorities I need to focus on. I know things are works-in-progress...sooner or later I do hope I can see the fruits of my labor!

Anyway, some pictures from our mid-year planning. The place is great and can be the perfect venue for those people wanting to hibernate from the world. I surely would go there again given the chance.


And you go to this kind of place to talk about work...why not


With Lisa and Jon

Incidentally, can you imagine that Jon is like a spitting image of (drumroll pls) someone from the past? Yep, this is the blast from the past. He seems to be the missing twin of JJ!


Videoke fever with Jon and Marlon

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Sunday, October 01, 2006

Happy Monthsary!

Ok, time for some cheesiness.

Wish I could say happy monthsary to a new relationship, but sorry to burst the bubble but not yet. Not yet. :) It's been a month since I made a move to a new job and so far, so good. It is work that keeps me going and ties me up with a lot of things. But of course, that did not stop me from taking some time to do some idiosyncracies every now and then. In a way, life is getting better for me and I can only pray that I keep the momentum going. I am happy with the new friends I've made and happier that I am still keeping the friends I have from my first job to my previous one. I don't really surprise myself because I've always been the type who remembers to keep in touch. Heck, I do still go out with my friends from grade school!

They say to whom much is given much is expected. And that holds true in my case, especially when it comes to my deliverables. I welcome the challenge and I feel that this can only make me work harder and achieve more. Recently I had the second wave of wanting to go overseas to work and that is part of my short term plan. Just need to finish the damn MBA and settle the personal life that is but forever complicated and shouting for simplicity. To this and a lot more, I can only say cheers! Here's to a bottle of beer for my first month. Life can only get better.

And when I say better, it means being in that kind of disposition when you put an end to things that are hanging; to the things that are not meant to be. It is but a series of events that could no longer move forward, much less beyond. And this soooo applies to certain things in my life that I can just leave it to fate and to God to work their wonders. From my end, I've done my part and nothing more can be done to say that I didn't do my best. It's more of a question of what else do I have to do that I haven't done yet. I am saying goodbye and see you around twice. Two moments happening simultaneously that you wonder what the hell is wrong with you. Or with him. Whatever it is, the fact remains that decisions have been made and growing old does not allow us to make mistakes anymore. I can only hope and pray that damn, I am doing the right thing.

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Saturday, September 30, 2006

Saturday mornings

Been a while since I woke up like this on a Saturday. By this, I mean waking up somewhere else, with a view different from what I used to see. Something like that. Very tiring night! I have a different kind of hangover...maybe the kind that makes you think more? Damn...my hands are full from all the other personal stuff I need to settle and now I add something more. Ugh....ganyan talaga ang buhay! If you can't beat them, join them!

The blast that was last night involved Cena, Temple, Cafe Havana and Jill's. Wanted to post some pics pero later on na lang when the whole thing progresses. Haha. Meanwhile:

Wish I can do this everyday. Waking up relatively stress-free and with little noise surrounding me.

What is life anyway but an attempt to enjoy the fleeting moment? Here I go again!

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Friday, September 29, 2006

The Horridness That Is Milenyo

And so the last two days of the week are spent in total blackout; at least as far as Manila is concerned. Lots of trees on the road, billboards crashed and here I am stealing some wireless network available just to check out Julia's pics in Toledo, Spain and see who makes her heart beat a little faster this time around. In a while I gotta go pick Jason up and see where the road will take us. I sure hope Greenbelt is open by now! My social life (or the lack thereof) is so dependent on this blackout-stricken city!

Bad stuff that Milenyo caused: cancelled prezo at work plus the business planning that is supposed to be in Mimosa. Ugh...I could've ticked two things out of my to-do list and now this whole typhoon just prolonged my agony. Well at least regained some energy in the process. Anyway...

Back from Cebu the other day from a business trip. Surprisingly, Rodney seems to be acting just like our age! Haha. Good fun, except for the fact that I was wiped out for the two nights we were there.


Didn't realize I'd get to be in another assembly line after my OJT stint

Ehem ehem...made in the Philippines yan!


With Rodney and Marlon at the poolside in Marriott


Some "slight" effect of alcohol. Bwahahaha!

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Sunday, September 24, 2006

Remnants of Ella's Wedding

Was surfing the web and finally threelogy uploaded Vic and Ella's video. Aliw! Ella is a very radiant bride --- for a while I got teary eyed looking at how she walked down the aisle. It's so her!

Fol Rana uploaded also this pic in his blog. Hehe...konting exposure :D


Some artsy shot eh?

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Saturday, September 23, 2006

What's going on

Life in pictures.



At O'neal's wedding with baby marshmallow cheeks Marielle. Cute!!!

Gabe's day in DLSZ


Gabe and his buddies goofing around


With the newlyweds...tinding kadurugan na naman

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Ganun talaga

Eh biglang umulan. Dapat pupunta ko sa dati kong opisina para magyosi. Ang kulimlim ng panahon. Siguro nadama niya ang kaguluhan ng buhay ko kaya di rin niya alam kung aaraw ba o uulan. Bakit ganun? Kala ko maayos na ko --- yun pala, sobrang layo ko sa matino. Ni hindi nga ako makapagisip nang maayos, alam mo yun? Sabay ngayon ako matatakot. Ang tanda ko na para magkamali. Magkamali na ngayon kesa sa magkamali after 10 years diba ? Di ako pwedeng magdesisyon ng mali dahil ang dami kayang nakasalalay. Ilagay mo na sa mababaw pero kahit yung paggising ko nang maaliwalas nakadepende yun sa kung ano ba talaga. Ugh!!!

Ang tanong ko lang --- bakit ako napunta sa dati kong kinalalagyan? Ngayon di ko na talaga alam kung ano ba talaga ang ibig sabihin ng pagiging masaya. Ano ba yun? Alalahin ko kaya yung Happiness Within ko, circa 2004? Parang ganun eh. Yung nasa kaibuturan ng puso mo na kahit bangag ka alam mo di mo macocompromise. Ano ang dapat bigyan ng importansya sa napakagulong mundong ito? Hahayaan ko na lang bang lagpasan ako nito --- sa panahon na buhay pa ko --- at piliting ipikit ang mga mata ko sa mga bagay na alam kong totoo? O magpakabayani ako at ipaglaban, tingnan kung hanggang saan at hanggang kelan ako aabot. Yung tipong matira ang matibay? Susmaryosep, been there done that! Magpapakamanhid na lang ba ako? Tutal di ko naman mabawi ang dapat mabawi, ano pang saysay? Yun nga lang bawal ang eye contact. Kasi pag tinitigan mo ang mga mata ko, meron siyang sinasabing totoo. At yung totoong yun ang pinakamatinding bagay. Kung pwede lang magkakatarata ngayong mga panahon na to!


Ang alam ko nung Sunday nilagnat na ko. Tapos nagisip isip. Monday, nangangarag na. Eto na ang Tuesday, after maging mga basang sisiw sa Dela Costa dahil sa ulan, punta kami sa Apo. Pinagalitan ako ng kaibigan ko, sinermonan, pinangaralan at nilagay ang pagiisip ko sa tamang kinalalagyan. Pero ang tanong, hanggang kelan? Eh after 2 hours lang nakita ko sarili ko nasa harap na ng simbahan nakakatulog eh. Alam mo yun? Siguro kasi pag di mo na alam gagawin mo mapapadasal ka na lang talaga. Konti na lang, kasama na ko sa Tuesday club sa Baclaran. O kaya sa Thursday club sa St. Jude. Magpapakadeboto na lang ako haha. Nung Wednesday, nag dinner kasama ang mga Hapon sa Casa Armas. Papunta kami ni Jon sa Greenbelt tapos siyempre kwentuhan habang nagddrive, pinakinggan namin ang Kabilugan Ng Buwan...tamang durog so tamang kwento. Only to find out na it took him 7 years to realize kung sino talaga gusto niya. Hay, ayoko nang ganun, ayokong mangyari yun saken dahil hindi siya nakakatuwa. Nateary eyed sa Cafe Havana because of Mojito o Mojita (di ko namatandaan), kumain sa Rufus sabay hinatid si Marlon sa bahay. By the time dumating kami sa condo ni Jon, wala na kong maskara. Eh ganun talaga eh. Tangina, bakit pa kasi kelangan magproject diba?! Tapos ulitin natin ang nangyari nung isang gabi (hanggang sa mamatay tayo) at nakatulog uli ako sa harap ng simbahan. Umuwi, nakatulog sa sala. May mas pagod pa kaya sa akin? Sabay na kami magpagamot.

Sa Gweilo's kasama ko si Weng at si Coco, sabi ko sa sarili ko kelangan ko nang sabihin. Just like what Tara Holder used to say to me --- we need to pass on the love. Hahaha. Eh isipin ko muna sarili ko diba, kaya ayun. Pinuntahan ko siya, kinausap at narelieve dahil nagawa ko na ang gusto kong gawin. Kala mo madali pero one of those things that I normally wouldn't do. Siguro ganun talaga buhay. Yung inaasam ng mga tao na katahimikan makukuha lang yun kapag wala ng latak sa sistema natin? Walang baggages, wala ng dapat na finifilter. Medyo natahimik na ako at nasettle na. Pero di ako magpapakasanto para sabihin na ganun na lang yun. Well in a way, wala na akong magagawa. Kelangan ko na lang antayin ang panahon na ops, game over, ok na ako.

So sa 4 na araw na lumipas na nakatulog ako sa simbahan, nakatulog sa sala at nasusuka sa kabadtripan, naisip ko dapat finale ang Friday. Buong linggo kaya dumaan ako sa butas ng karayom. Birthday ni Ms Che, tamang usap din with Ms Tiny. Alam mo yung feeling na you want to learn from other people's stories in the hope that you wouldn't be in the same rut as they were before, assuming may mga pinalagpas? Yun lang naman yung katangi tangi kong pag-asa na magkanda leche leche na, ang importante masaya ko at hindi fake. Kaso ang daming tao na di na totoo ngayon eh...so how can I even compete with that? Naisip ko na lang, i-eenjoy ko na lang ang mga lakad ko sa mga susunod na panahon. Wala pa ko sa stage na if you can't beat them join them. Pero medyo malapit na. Haha. Konti pang pilit.

Ang pinakamatindi pa diyan, pinadalhan ako ng bulaklak at sulat kahapon. At tinanong at sinabihan. Ang gulo ng buhay. Kung pwede lang uminom ng gamot para magiba ang ihip ng hangin at magbago ang isip, matagal ko nang ginawa yun. Ano ba ang mali sa akin? Eto lang, kung mali na lang talaga yun ayoko nang maging tama. Nak!!! Talagang to the tune of if loving you is wrong then I don't want to be right. Ay sus. Tapos na ang lahat. May mga tao na na masaya na ngayon. Ang tangi ko na lang masasabi ay sana nga. Sana nga masaya na. Nang matahimik na ang dapat matahimik. :-)

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Monday, September 18, 2006

Catching up with my life

I wrote a damn long entry and it disappeared. Punyeta! Need a smoke break!

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Tuesday, August 29, 2006

The Soundtrack of my Life

"I've been thinking about this...Well, I always kind of wanted to write a book that all took place within the space of a pop song, you know, like 3 or 4 minutes long. The story, the idea is that...there's this guy. And...he's totally depressed! I mean, his great dream was to be a lover, an adventurer, you know, riding motorcycles through South America, and instead he's sitting at a marble table, eating lobster, and he's got a good joband a beautiful wife, right. You know, everything that he needs. But that doesn't matter, 'cause what he wantsis to fight for meaning.You know, happiness is in the doing, not in the...getting what you want. So, he's sitting there, and just at a second, his little five year old daughter hops up on the table. And he knows thatshe should get down 'cause she could get hurt, but she's dancing to this pop song, in a summer dress. And he looks down, and all of a sudden,he is sixteen. And... his high school sweetheart is dropping him off, at home. And they've just lost their virginity, and she loves him, and the same song is playing on the car radio, and she climbs up and startsdancing on the roof of the car. And now,now he's worried about her! And she is beautiful, with a...a facial expression just like his daughter's. In fact, you know, maybe that's why he even likes her. You see, he knows he's not remembering this dance, he's there. He's there in both moments simultaneously. And just like for an instance, all his life is just folding into itself and it's obvious to him that time is a lie...that's it's all happening all the time and inside every moment is another moment, all...you know, happening simultaneously. And, that's kind of the idea... anyway." --- Jesse, Before Sunset

The idea that inside every moment is another moment and they're both happening at the same time is just sooo real. Last night I was listening to my brother's MP3IO and in an instant I was surrounded with all things that have happened in my life for the past couple of years and how I got to be at this point. Of course doing that while I'm rubbing Gabe's back and he's sleeping and snoring.

It's silly you know? You go through the directory of mp3s, check the categories and you browse. Hmm...modern rock? Pop acoustic? My comfort zone RnB? Wedding songs, how about that? The fact that I can choose which song to listen to can actually make me choose which episodes in my life I would want to remember. But knowing me, I'd remember them all given the chance. Why not? Life is all about the hits and misses isn't it. You mess up and get up and pray that you could turn out to be a better version of yourself in between.
Listening to KCi and Jojo's This Very Moment very well transports me back to my crazy 2004! I swear to God...there really are songs that you associate to certain people who have that impact in your life. Whether significant or otherwise is immaterial as it can be very subjective. Makes me wonder...what happened to him...and after 3 minutes...I listen to Norah Jones and highlights of 2003 come flashing in my mind. Sergio Mendes, Peter Mayer, Oasis, Earth Wind and Fire...damn...definitely are music to my ears.
If my life was a movie, the soundtrack would have to be...(abangan). :D

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Sunday, August 27, 2006

What's Done is Done

After a crazy week, I'm finally regaining my energy. The past week has been busy struggling to get into the mood of turning over my work load, studying for my two finals and at the same time waking up sane to another day. Fortunately, what's done is done and I don't have to go back to this week. But of course, the weeks ahead are all toxic in their own right, which can only mean that I will cross the bridge when I get there. Jusme, one at a time naman.

Had a farewell session with my colleagues at Red Box. The brother rocks!



Ms Che missing in the pic

With a visiting ex-colleague, TK. Competitors now :D

Minsanan lang to eh. Bwahahaha

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Friday, August 18, 2006

In a sentimental mood

As if this is unusual! I'm on the last stages of getting my (personal) stuff out. Damn. I'm beginning to have this funny feeling of missing the people I've been with for the past three years! Since I am still in the office and decided to take my accounting finals next week, having this free time makes me feel the detachment that is bound to happen soon. And I allowed myself to reel in this emotion because next week is THE week.

Remembering when I first started out
here, I begin to be caught in the moment when I first went to Singapore and all the firsts that followed thereafter --- losing our way in Japan (Karl and myself), holidaying in Taiwan and staying at our CD's condo, driving up to KL and so many other things. I have about three boxes of anything SingTel-ish to bring home that would always give me so many fond memories. If we don't start talking about work, my stay here has been very very good. How can I just not miss everything?

SGO Colleagues, Singapore March 2004

Despedida for John, Bora Bar May 2005

Hala...cge!


HK's birthday, Jill's July 2005


Kick Off Meeting, Malaysia April 2005

A lot of other pictures would have to be put here to serve as a reminder of the endless possibilities. But life goes on and sooner or later, we will all see each other around :)

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Wednesday, August 16, 2006

A Happy Problem

And so the inevitable had to happen. I was relieved that he was happy for me, considering that my move can equate to what we call a huge turnover (all is relative by the way). But in any case, I decided not to attend the dinner. What's a futile exercise for anyway?

I googled for inspiration on what I can see regarding a happy problem but found this (which doesn't answer the question). What to do? I am stuck here until God-knows-when (seriously, when they say 30 days notice, you better take it literally) and yet my future has already been making plans for me. Talk about being torn. If these were men, it would've been easier to handle. But my life till end of the year is at stake (I should be getting x3 by early September dammit!) so I need to decide wisely. My mentor is waiting for me at home and I'm trying to "celebrate" the things that transpired a while ago here at the office, looking at my area with a tug in my heart, with a feeling that this has been my home for almost three years. A LOT has happened in this freaking office and I'm not even talking about order processing or hitting the quota. I guess there really comes a time when people move on and we can only hope and pray that it's a move going forward.

I have to get out but I can only do so within a specified period of time. And the other one wants me to go start strutting my stuff with the very same people I'm working with right now! Beat that. So how? I'm so at a loss. Such a happy problem eh? If only life was this simple.

The little girl in me is so dependent on her daddy on how to go about this. Maybe even as if we mature and grow up, what our parents say will always matter right? God I'm just happy I still have my mom and dad with me! Our evening sessions always make my day. Marunong na ko makinig ngayon!

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