Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Black coffee, Sandrine, Tokyo, EBF and the Future

Days passed by so fast that it is almost November. And I'm sure November's gonna come by fast enough as well --- and with this comes the season once again! Just a thought.

Right now I've shifted to having my coffee black instead of the usual coffee+cream+sugar. I dunno, I remember Mark telling me that Paolo drinks his coffee that way for the longest time, coupled by the exercises he's been doing to be the very lean person he is now. Not that I am planning to be athletic (or start exercising for that matter!) but I guess this change in the way I do my morning ritual is a good alternative to loading up on sugar. Besides, I need to lose weight! Haha. New Year's eve is just around the corner...me and Jules would need a lot of preparation! So we'll see how it goes.

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A week and a half ago I went to the baptism of Sandrine, my newest goddaughter. Cute little girl with chubby cheeks --- yup just like baby marshmallow cheeks! Gabe is indeed a kuya to a few of my inaanak...but I guess nothing beats having your own girl huh? I was in the train on my last day in Tokyo and I saw this Japanese girl who is just so cute I couldn't help but take a picture of her. Japanese baby girls really tug my heart! They look so lovable with their chinky eyes!

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And so the Tokyo trip is done and over with. Looking back, no matter how tiring it was (meetings ending at 11ish or so), everything was worth it. On top of the business agenda we've covered, I'm glad we were able to tour around and go to places that even our executive consultant hasn't gone to! We went to Matsushima Bay (said to be the top 3 place to go to in Japan) and the view is amazing --- on board a ferry and with close encounters with the seagulls (we fed them with prawn crackers), you would want life to stop right there and then. Think Kate Beckinsale in Serendipity when she boarded a ferry and just enjoyed the calmness the bay brings. Something like that. Yuki-san, our tour guide who is 66 years old and with two grandkids, looked nothing like a 66 year old lola I swear. She is very healthy and giggles like a high school girl which makes her all the more lovable! Her high pitched tone while explaining how to drink Japanese green tea is just so funny I was imitating her and teasing her about it. I guess people in Japan are particularly healthy and strong because of all the walking they do day in and day out (which up to now I am still learning to accept --- at one point my feet nearly killed me!). She brought us to Zuiganji temple as well where we (me and my directors) bought fortune paper based on our blood type and checked what's in store for us for the remaining time of the year. The fortune paper is based on the year 2006 and what it told me is that my work is and will be going well but not much luck in the personal department (asa pa eh no) as this will come in later on. Never mind the latter, I'm all up for new deals and strategic closures!

Riding the shinkansen (bullet train) was an experience itself. First of all, it is very expensive to have that kind of transportation (think PhP15k for return) and since we need to go up north in Tokyo we had no choice but to go via shinkansen. It's nice because they have cars (coaches) that allow you to smoke and you can even reserve your seats. The best thing about it is even if the speed is like 300km/hr you wouldn't feel it. But damn, that ride was fast! Not to mention that the whole time the weather was perfect! Especially in Miyagi and Sendai, my trench coat was the best thing I got.


Overall, great people I've met along the way made the trip more than memorable. Ebisui-san helped me carry my stuff (heavy stuff that is) the whole time we were travelling; Matsuoka-san was totally funny and not your usual Japanese! Such a nice respite. My colleagues from Costa Rica looked more like Hollywood actors even --- Carlos being Brendan Fraser while Javier being Lou Diamond Phillips. Hahaha.

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EBF - who would've thought? Talking to Hazel brought me to time space warp again. I'm not sure if things are still the same but I am quite surprised to see that I wrote something about it (like the entire story). Very cheesy and very sappy! How come life is complicated? I know I make it complex but can't it just be fine and dandy?

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Cut to present tense, the next few weeks to come will be like make or break. But not the end all and be all type of thing but yeah, I would need to again stretch myself and see if we can get it. Work wise that is. But I can't wait for his visit. :) Makes me think of the itinerary na but I don't want to be so eager beaver. I was complaining to him when he called me up because I accidentally deleted the pictures while uploading the pics of last night from my cam. Ugh...Liza would kill me! But anyway, I so want to talk to Hong Kiat na...I want to get his view but of course I'd have to wait for him to come back from his holiday. So while doing so, things are still status quo and I'll go my way.


Damn, this is a blog I know but somehow, I just can't go deeper in my writing yet and put everything here. But yeah, it feels nice having something to read about later on...and maybe laugh at myself for all the idiosyncracies I have!

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Monday, October 16, 2006

Next question please

So glad the past week is over. Taking it one week at a time and enjoying this till it's done.

From heading out of work at way past Gabe's bedtime, to enjoying Belgian beers with colleagues (yep, even with Rod and David!) to brainstorming over at Kipling's, the entire week that was bordered on stretching yourself. You just gotta have that kind of energy to keep up. Quite happy that I was even exchanging Friday night conversation with the MP guy himself. Yahoo.

On a personal note, I got myself a new goddaughter! Happy happy happy :) But the kicker of the week? I love you Kay. Do you love me?

Ano sasagot ko dun? Next question please...

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Sunday, October 08, 2006

Ugh...

I just hope it is that time of the month to explain my mood swings lately. But right now...ugh...I feel pissed off over something. Just couldn't point at it yet! It's a good thing today's already Sunday and I could just put this to rest while I anticipate yet another week of being in the rat race.

Pero promise, naiirita talaga ako! I don't know if it's because I hate myself for being affected easily...or maybe I spent the whole day at home and didn't go to Wacat (hence this creative idleness)...but whatever it is, it damn hit some sensitive nerves in me to the point that I just want to call it a night. Ugh! Buti na lang by tomorrow makakalimutan ko na 'to.

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Saturday, October 07, 2006

Porch Night

Wait lang, trying to upload this pic earlier but couldn't do so for some reason.


May isang cute dito ng araw nato...bwehehehe


Guess who's projecting? Hahaha

Anyway, went to Porch in BF the other night to hang out with my old buddies from grade school. Nice to see people from way back but the kicker then was boy bastos. I totally wished I never had the chance to meet him! As usual, thanks to Pop na naman...

More thoughts later on...

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Saturday...at work

Not that I am in the office, but, yeah I gotta do some work today. On a weekend, yep. Having just finished our business planning yesterday totally justified my stress level for the past few weeks and I'm sure in the weeks to come. It's not even the bad kind of stress because I normally thrive on it, breathing it day in and day out. That's what's keep me going! The $$$ I need to bring in the next few months is just wild --- I need to deliver, I gotta bring this to the next higher level. Pressure 101 at its finest. But to me, it's all good and I do look forward to the challenges happening along the way. After all, work is the ultimate combination of my professional and personal life, with the latter having some aspects that are but non-existing.
In fact, I spent the afternoon buying some stuff for the two high level execs whom we will be accompanying somewhere by next week. I hope they will like our little token because I surely would want to buy myself one but I guess later on na lang. Got some other priorities I need to focus on. I know things are works-in-progress...sooner or later I do hope I can see the fruits of my labor!

Anyway, some pictures from our mid-year planning. The place is great and can be the perfect venue for those people wanting to hibernate from the world. I surely would go there again given the chance.


And you go to this kind of place to talk about work...why not


With Lisa and Jon

Incidentally, can you imagine that Jon is like a spitting image of (drumroll pls) someone from the past? Yep, this is the blast from the past. He seems to be the missing twin of JJ!


Videoke fever with Jon and Marlon

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Sunday, October 01, 2006

Happy Monthsary!

Ok, time for some cheesiness.

Wish I could say happy monthsary to a new relationship, but sorry to burst the bubble but not yet. Not yet. :) It's been a month since I made a move to a new job and so far, so good. It is work that keeps me going and ties me up with a lot of things. But of course, that did not stop me from taking some time to do some idiosyncracies every now and then. In a way, life is getting better for me and I can only pray that I keep the momentum going. I am happy with the new friends I've made and happier that I am still keeping the friends I have from my first job to my previous one. I don't really surprise myself because I've always been the type who remembers to keep in touch. Heck, I do still go out with my friends from grade school!

They say to whom much is given much is expected. And that holds true in my case, especially when it comes to my deliverables. I welcome the challenge and I feel that this can only make me work harder and achieve more. Recently I had the second wave of wanting to go overseas to work and that is part of my short term plan. Just need to finish the damn MBA and settle the personal life that is but forever complicated and shouting for simplicity. To this and a lot more, I can only say cheers! Here's to a bottle of beer for my first month. Life can only get better.

And when I say better, it means being in that kind of disposition when you put an end to things that are hanging; to the things that are not meant to be. It is but a series of events that could no longer move forward, much less beyond. And this soooo applies to certain things in my life that I can just leave it to fate and to God to work their wonders. From my end, I've done my part and nothing more can be done to say that I didn't do my best. It's more of a question of what else do I have to do that I haven't done yet. I am saying goodbye and see you around twice. Two moments happening simultaneously that you wonder what the hell is wrong with you. Or with him. Whatever it is, the fact remains that decisions have been made and growing old does not allow us to make mistakes anymore. I can only hope and pray that damn, I am doing the right thing.

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Saturday, September 30, 2006

Saturday mornings

Been a while since I woke up like this on a Saturday. By this, I mean waking up somewhere else, with a view different from what I used to see. Something like that. Very tiring night! I have a different kind of hangover...maybe the kind that makes you think more? Damn...my hands are full from all the other personal stuff I need to settle and now I add something more. Ugh....ganyan talaga ang buhay! If you can't beat them, join them!

The blast that was last night involved Cena, Temple, Cafe Havana and Jill's. Wanted to post some pics pero later on na lang when the whole thing progresses. Haha. Meanwhile:

Wish I can do this everyday. Waking up relatively stress-free and with little noise surrounding me.

What is life anyway but an attempt to enjoy the fleeting moment? Here I go again!

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Friday, September 29, 2006

The Horridness That Is Milenyo

And so the last two days of the week are spent in total blackout; at least as far as Manila is concerned. Lots of trees on the road, billboards crashed and here I am stealing some wireless network available just to check out Julia's pics in Toledo, Spain and see who makes her heart beat a little faster this time around. In a while I gotta go pick Jason up and see where the road will take us. I sure hope Greenbelt is open by now! My social life (or the lack thereof) is so dependent on this blackout-stricken city!

Bad stuff that Milenyo caused: cancelled prezo at work plus the business planning that is supposed to be in Mimosa. Ugh...I could've ticked two things out of my to-do list and now this whole typhoon just prolonged my agony. Well at least regained some energy in the process. Anyway...

Back from Cebu the other day from a business trip. Surprisingly, Rodney seems to be acting just like our age! Haha. Good fun, except for the fact that I was wiped out for the two nights we were there.


Didn't realize I'd get to be in another assembly line after my OJT stint

Ehem ehem...made in the Philippines yan!


With Rodney and Marlon at the poolside in Marriott


Some "slight" effect of alcohol. Bwahahaha!

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Sunday, September 24, 2006

Remnants of Ella's Wedding

Was surfing the web and finally threelogy uploaded Vic and Ella's video. Aliw! Ella is a very radiant bride --- for a while I got teary eyed looking at how she walked down the aisle. It's so her!

Fol Rana uploaded also this pic in his blog. Hehe...konting exposure :D


Some artsy shot eh?

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Saturday, September 23, 2006

What's going on

Life in pictures.



At O'neal's wedding with baby marshmallow cheeks Marielle. Cute!!!

Gabe's day in DLSZ


Gabe and his buddies goofing around


With the newlyweds...tinding kadurugan na naman

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Ganun talaga

Eh biglang umulan. Dapat pupunta ko sa dati kong opisina para magyosi. Ang kulimlim ng panahon. Siguro nadama niya ang kaguluhan ng buhay ko kaya di rin niya alam kung aaraw ba o uulan. Bakit ganun? Kala ko maayos na ko --- yun pala, sobrang layo ko sa matino. Ni hindi nga ako makapagisip nang maayos, alam mo yun? Sabay ngayon ako matatakot. Ang tanda ko na para magkamali. Magkamali na ngayon kesa sa magkamali after 10 years diba ? Di ako pwedeng magdesisyon ng mali dahil ang dami kayang nakasalalay. Ilagay mo na sa mababaw pero kahit yung paggising ko nang maaliwalas nakadepende yun sa kung ano ba talaga. Ugh!!!

Ang tanong ko lang --- bakit ako napunta sa dati kong kinalalagyan? Ngayon di ko na talaga alam kung ano ba talaga ang ibig sabihin ng pagiging masaya. Ano ba yun? Alalahin ko kaya yung Happiness Within ko, circa 2004? Parang ganun eh. Yung nasa kaibuturan ng puso mo na kahit bangag ka alam mo di mo macocompromise. Ano ang dapat bigyan ng importansya sa napakagulong mundong ito? Hahayaan ko na lang bang lagpasan ako nito --- sa panahon na buhay pa ko --- at piliting ipikit ang mga mata ko sa mga bagay na alam kong totoo? O magpakabayani ako at ipaglaban, tingnan kung hanggang saan at hanggang kelan ako aabot. Yung tipong matira ang matibay? Susmaryosep, been there done that! Magpapakamanhid na lang ba ako? Tutal di ko naman mabawi ang dapat mabawi, ano pang saysay? Yun nga lang bawal ang eye contact. Kasi pag tinitigan mo ang mga mata ko, meron siyang sinasabing totoo. At yung totoong yun ang pinakamatinding bagay. Kung pwede lang magkakatarata ngayong mga panahon na to!


Ang alam ko nung Sunday nilagnat na ko. Tapos nagisip isip. Monday, nangangarag na. Eto na ang Tuesday, after maging mga basang sisiw sa Dela Costa dahil sa ulan, punta kami sa Apo. Pinagalitan ako ng kaibigan ko, sinermonan, pinangaralan at nilagay ang pagiisip ko sa tamang kinalalagyan. Pero ang tanong, hanggang kelan? Eh after 2 hours lang nakita ko sarili ko nasa harap na ng simbahan nakakatulog eh. Alam mo yun? Siguro kasi pag di mo na alam gagawin mo mapapadasal ka na lang talaga. Konti na lang, kasama na ko sa Tuesday club sa Baclaran. O kaya sa Thursday club sa St. Jude. Magpapakadeboto na lang ako haha. Nung Wednesday, nag dinner kasama ang mga Hapon sa Casa Armas. Papunta kami ni Jon sa Greenbelt tapos siyempre kwentuhan habang nagddrive, pinakinggan namin ang Kabilugan Ng Buwan...tamang durog so tamang kwento. Only to find out na it took him 7 years to realize kung sino talaga gusto niya. Hay, ayoko nang ganun, ayokong mangyari yun saken dahil hindi siya nakakatuwa. Nateary eyed sa Cafe Havana because of Mojito o Mojita (di ko namatandaan), kumain sa Rufus sabay hinatid si Marlon sa bahay. By the time dumating kami sa condo ni Jon, wala na kong maskara. Eh ganun talaga eh. Tangina, bakit pa kasi kelangan magproject diba?! Tapos ulitin natin ang nangyari nung isang gabi (hanggang sa mamatay tayo) at nakatulog uli ako sa harap ng simbahan. Umuwi, nakatulog sa sala. May mas pagod pa kaya sa akin? Sabay na kami magpagamot.

Sa Gweilo's kasama ko si Weng at si Coco, sabi ko sa sarili ko kelangan ko nang sabihin. Just like what Tara Holder used to say to me --- we need to pass on the love. Hahaha. Eh isipin ko muna sarili ko diba, kaya ayun. Pinuntahan ko siya, kinausap at narelieve dahil nagawa ko na ang gusto kong gawin. Kala mo madali pero one of those things that I normally wouldn't do. Siguro ganun talaga buhay. Yung inaasam ng mga tao na katahimikan makukuha lang yun kapag wala ng latak sa sistema natin? Walang baggages, wala ng dapat na finifilter. Medyo natahimik na ako at nasettle na. Pero di ako magpapakasanto para sabihin na ganun na lang yun. Well in a way, wala na akong magagawa. Kelangan ko na lang antayin ang panahon na ops, game over, ok na ako.

So sa 4 na araw na lumipas na nakatulog ako sa simbahan, nakatulog sa sala at nasusuka sa kabadtripan, naisip ko dapat finale ang Friday. Buong linggo kaya dumaan ako sa butas ng karayom. Birthday ni Ms Che, tamang usap din with Ms Tiny. Alam mo yung feeling na you want to learn from other people's stories in the hope that you wouldn't be in the same rut as they were before, assuming may mga pinalagpas? Yun lang naman yung katangi tangi kong pag-asa na magkanda leche leche na, ang importante masaya ko at hindi fake. Kaso ang daming tao na di na totoo ngayon eh...so how can I even compete with that? Naisip ko na lang, i-eenjoy ko na lang ang mga lakad ko sa mga susunod na panahon. Wala pa ko sa stage na if you can't beat them join them. Pero medyo malapit na. Haha. Konti pang pilit.

Ang pinakamatindi pa diyan, pinadalhan ako ng bulaklak at sulat kahapon. At tinanong at sinabihan. Ang gulo ng buhay. Kung pwede lang uminom ng gamot para magiba ang ihip ng hangin at magbago ang isip, matagal ko nang ginawa yun. Ano ba ang mali sa akin? Eto lang, kung mali na lang talaga yun ayoko nang maging tama. Nak!!! Talagang to the tune of if loving you is wrong then I don't want to be right. Ay sus. Tapos na ang lahat. May mga tao na na masaya na ngayon. Ang tangi ko na lang masasabi ay sana nga. Sana nga masaya na. Nang matahimik na ang dapat matahimik. :-)

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Monday, September 18, 2006

Catching up with my life

I wrote a damn long entry and it disappeared. Punyeta! Need a smoke break!

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Tuesday, August 29, 2006

The Soundtrack of my Life

"I've been thinking about this...Well, I always kind of wanted to write a book that all took place within the space of a pop song, you know, like 3 or 4 minutes long. The story, the idea is that...there's this guy. And...he's totally depressed! I mean, his great dream was to be a lover, an adventurer, you know, riding motorcycles through South America, and instead he's sitting at a marble table, eating lobster, and he's got a good joband a beautiful wife, right. You know, everything that he needs. But that doesn't matter, 'cause what he wantsis to fight for meaning.You know, happiness is in the doing, not in the...getting what you want. So, he's sitting there, and just at a second, his little five year old daughter hops up on the table. And he knows thatshe should get down 'cause she could get hurt, but she's dancing to this pop song, in a summer dress. And he looks down, and all of a sudden,he is sixteen. And... his high school sweetheart is dropping him off, at home. And they've just lost their virginity, and she loves him, and the same song is playing on the car radio, and she climbs up and startsdancing on the roof of the car. And now,now he's worried about her! And she is beautiful, with a...a facial expression just like his daughter's. In fact, you know, maybe that's why he even likes her. You see, he knows he's not remembering this dance, he's there. He's there in both moments simultaneously. And just like for an instance, all his life is just folding into itself and it's obvious to him that time is a lie...that's it's all happening all the time and inside every moment is another moment, all...you know, happening simultaneously. And, that's kind of the idea... anyway." --- Jesse, Before Sunset

The idea that inside every moment is another moment and they're both happening at the same time is just sooo real. Last night I was listening to my brother's MP3IO and in an instant I was surrounded with all things that have happened in my life for the past couple of years and how I got to be at this point. Of course doing that while I'm rubbing Gabe's back and he's sleeping and snoring.

It's silly you know? You go through the directory of mp3s, check the categories and you browse. Hmm...modern rock? Pop acoustic? My comfort zone RnB? Wedding songs, how about that? The fact that I can choose which song to listen to can actually make me choose which episodes in my life I would want to remember. But knowing me, I'd remember them all given the chance. Why not? Life is all about the hits and misses isn't it. You mess up and get up and pray that you could turn out to be a better version of yourself in between.
Listening to KCi and Jojo's This Very Moment very well transports me back to my crazy 2004! I swear to God...there really are songs that you associate to certain people who have that impact in your life. Whether significant or otherwise is immaterial as it can be very subjective. Makes me wonder...what happened to him...and after 3 minutes...I listen to Norah Jones and highlights of 2003 come flashing in my mind. Sergio Mendes, Peter Mayer, Oasis, Earth Wind and Fire...damn...definitely are music to my ears.
If my life was a movie, the soundtrack would have to be...(abangan). :D

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Sunday, August 27, 2006

What's Done is Done

After a crazy week, I'm finally regaining my energy. The past week has been busy struggling to get into the mood of turning over my work load, studying for my two finals and at the same time waking up sane to another day. Fortunately, what's done is done and I don't have to go back to this week. But of course, the weeks ahead are all toxic in their own right, which can only mean that I will cross the bridge when I get there. Jusme, one at a time naman.

Had a farewell session with my colleagues at Red Box. The brother rocks!



Ms Che missing in the pic

With a visiting ex-colleague, TK. Competitors now :D

Minsanan lang to eh. Bwahahaha

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Friday, August 18, 2006

In a sentimental mood

As if this is unusual! I'm on the last stages of getting my (personal) stuff out. Damn. I'm beginning to have this funny feeling of missing the people I've been with for the past three years! Since I am still in the office and decided to take my accounting finals next week, having this free time makes me feel the detachment that is bound to happen soon. And I allowed myself to reel in this emotion because next week is THE week.

Remembering when I first started out
here, I begin to be caught in the moment when I first went to Singapore and all the firsts that followed thereafter --- losing our way in Japan (Karl and myself), holidaying in Taiwan and staying at our CD's condo, driving up to KL and so many other things. I have about three boxes of anything SingTel-ish to bring home that would always give me so many fond memories. If we don't start talking about work, my stay here has been very very good. How can I just not miss everything?

SGO Colleagues, Singapore March 2004

Despedida for John, Bora Bar May 2005

Hala...cge!


HK's birthday, Jill's July 2005


Kick Off Meeting, Malaysia April 2005

A lot of other pictures would have to be put here to serve as a reminder of the endless possibilities. But life goes on and sooner or later, we will all see each other around :)

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Wednesday, August 16, 2006

A Happy Problem

And so the inevitable had to happen. I was relieved that he was happy for me, considering that my move can equate to what we call a huge turnover (all is relative by the way). But in any case, I decided not to attend the dinner. What's a futile exercise for anyway?

I googled for inspiration on what I can see regarding a happy problem but found this (which doesn't answer the question). What to do? I am stuck here until God-knows-when (seriously, when they say 30 days notice, you better take it literally) and yet my future has already been making plans for me. Talk about being torn. If these were men, it would've been easier to handle. But my life till end of the year is at stake (I should be getting x3 by early September dammit!) so I need to decide wisely. My mentor is waiting for me at home and I'm trying to "celebrate" the things that transpired a while ago here at the office, looking at my area with a tug in my heart, with a feeling that this has been my home for almost three years. A LOT has happened in this freaking office and I'm not even talking about order processing or hitting the quota. I guess there really comes a time when people move on and we can only hope and pray that it's a move going forward.

I have to get out but I can only do so within a specified period of time. And the other one wants me to go start strutting my stuff with the very same people I'm working with right now! Beat that. So how? I'm so at a loss. Such a happy problem eh? If only life was this simple.

The little girl in me is so dependent on her daddy on how to go about this. Maybe even as if we mature and grow up, what our parents say will always matter right? God I'm just happy I still have my mom and dad with me! Our evening sessions always make my day. Marunong na ko makinig ngayon!

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Thursday, August 10, 2006

I'm Off

Today is a very remarkable day. After 6 months, I finally got something I can run to (haha --- that just sounded like an emotional escape). Was eyeing a different destination before but Mother Nature has her ways of pulling me back...and I will still be here (as what my personal life dictates so). Anyway, yipee! It took my headhunter 6 months to find me and only spent 2 weeks to iron everything out. As what they say --- it's a perfect fit; time can be at your side sooner or later.

While talking to my dad about this, he was in his usual element of imparting to me the wisdom of a mentor to his protege. He's definitely my mentor and I am his protege. I'm so always a work in progress!

DJC: Boss, I'm resigning. Effective two weeks from now.
Fictitious Boss: What? Our standard notice is 30 days. Follow the rules.
DJC: Oh don't stress me out anymore. I might get sick.
Fictitious Boss (thinks to himself): Fuck the sick leave.

Bwahahahaha. My dad's humor is great; not so surprisingly my youngest brother got that from him.

It's going to be a tough two weeks (or so, depends) for me from now on. Need to finish all my deliverables and turn over so that the past will not hunt me anymore (which, by the way, is so un-Kayish). I need to make a smooth transition and welcome my new beginning. Yahoo! I can't wait. Since I have not heard from the other side of the world (how can two people from different time zones leave at almost the same time and not do something about it?), bet I should just forego my HK trip end this month and go on with my life as planned.

But whatever it is, I am truly excited. I'm so happy for me!

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Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Almost There

Just finished an afternoon meeting on what could be yet another beginning for me. Sometimes I ask myself, must we really get out of something in order to start anew? Aren't we able to start anew while we are in the middle of it, without necessarily undergoing certain changes? I guess so. Otherwise, how to start all over again if the limitations are right smack in front of you and we are unable to go beyond that? We all make a move sooner or later anyway.

In any case, I am sooo excited! Getting out is something I don't normally do, although I'm so conscious of being in the comfort zone. A lot of times I've seen people grow old in whatever it is that they are doing only to end up in an equilibrium; a maintenance of sorts that neither growth nor the lack of it can wake up their senses. Then again maybe it is a matter of contentment? Maybe my hands are just full right now what with all the obligations I have to fulfill --- it's overwhelming. And that (at the very least) is what keeps me going.

We'll see how this goes. But yeah, I'm smiling. :-)

Arigato Gozaimas! Haha.

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Friday, August 04, 2006

Friday Musings

Decided not to go to work today. Everything is just blah.

Clive went on to hand his resignation letter but I haven't exactly heard of the details yet. It really doesn't help to know that a lot of your colleagues are leaving and all for the same reason. Well yeah, somehow, we have all the same underlying issues why we all want to move on. I just hope I get to do the same sooner than I think.

I figured things will be better when I see myself in everything that is new. You know? New people to talk to, new environment to be in, new things to do. But until then, all I have is that wishful thinking. Damn, how I long for that moment! Somewhere in between I gotta fast track what needs to be fast tracked.

It's my dad's birthday today...and as usuall, birthdays make me nostalgic --- if not even melodramatic. Haha! My old man is the coolest I tell you --- while I drink my issues away, he is just there listening to me and amusing me with stories from his 56 years of experience. Life is great and only now that I love my family even more. After all, who stands by you when the going gets dark?

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Wednesday, August 02, 2006

It helps

Ahhh...the beauty of poetry.

I love the little by little part. Sure it connotes time and healing, and to me there is movement...until all else is lost and empty. I guess when you attempt to forget someone, you should attempt to forget everything about them. Like you could only look back with bittersweet memories.

The horridness of it all --- if only I have amnesia!
But yeah...I'm feeling better this time around.

====================

If You Forget Me

I want you to know one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look at the crystal moon,
at the red branch of the slow autumn
at my window,
if I touch near the fire the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists, aromas, light, metals,
were little boats that sail toward
those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now, if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.
If suddenly you forget me do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners that passes through my life,
and you decide to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember that on that day, at that hour,
I shall lift my arms and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But if each day, each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live
it will be in your arms without leaving mine.

Pablo Neruda

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