The Soundtrack of my Life

"I've been thinking about this...Well, I always kind of wanted to write a book that all took place within the space of a pop song, you know, like 3 or 4 minutes long. The story, the idea is that...there's this guy. And...he's totally depressed! I mean, his great dream was to be a lover, an adventurer, you know, riding motorcycles through South America, and instead he's sitting at a marble table, eating lobster, and he's got a good joband a beautiful wife, right. You know, everything that he needs. But that doesn't matter, 'cause what he wantsis to fight for meaning.You know, happiness is in the doing, not in the...getting what you want. So, he's sitting there, and just at a second, his little five year old daughter hops up on the table. And he knows thatshe should get down 'cause she could get hurt, but she's dancing to this pop song, in a summer dress. And he looks down, and all of a sudden,he is sixteen. And... his high school sweetheart is dropping him off, at home. And they've just lost their virginity, and she loves him, and the same song is playing on the car radio, and she climbs up and startsdancing on the roof of the car. And now,now he's worried about her! And she is beautiful, with a...a facial expression just like his daughter's. In fact, you know, maybe that's why he even likes her. You see, he knows he's not remembering this dance, he's there. He's there in both moments simultaneously. And just like for an instance, all his life is just folding into itself and it's obvious to him that time is a lie...that's it's all happening all the time and inside every moment is another moment, all...you know, happening simultaneously. And, that's kind of the idea... anyway." --- Jesse, Before Sunset

The idea that inside every moment is another moment and they're both happening at the same time is just sooo real. Last night I was listening to my brother's MP3IO and in an instant I was surrounded with all things that have happened in my life for the past couple of years and how I got to be at this point. Of course doing that while I'm rubbing Gabe's back and he's sleeping and snoring.

It's silly you know? You go through the directory of mp3s, check the categories and you browse. Hmm...modern rock? Pop acoustic? My comfort zone RnB? Wedding songs, how about that? The fact that I can choose which song to listen to can actually make me choose which episodes in my life I would want to remember. But knowing me, I'd remember them all given the chance. Why not? Life is all about the hits and misses isn't it. You mess up and get up and pray that you could turn out to be a better version of yourself in between.

Listening to KCi and Jojo's This Very Moment very well transports me back to my crazy 2004! I swear to God...there really are songs that you associate to certain people who have that impact in your life. Whether significant or otherwise is immaterial as it can be very subjective. Makes me wonder...what happened to him...and after 3 minutes...I listen to Norah Jones and highlights of 2003 come flashing in my mind. Sergio Mendes, Peter Mayer, Oasis, Earth Wind and Fire...damn...definitely are music to my ears.

If my life was a movie, the soundtrack would have to be...(abangan). :D

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What's Done is Done

After a crazy week, I'm finally regaining my energy. The past week has been busy struggling to get into the mood of turning over my work load, studying for my two finals and at the same time waking up sane to another day. Fortunately, what's done is done and I don't have to go back to this week. But of course, the weeks ahead are all toxic in their own right, which can only mean that I will cross the bridge when I get there. Jusme, one at a time naman.

Had a farewell session with my colleagues at Red Box. The brother rocks!

Ms Che missing in the pic

With a visiting ex-colleague, TK. Competitors now :D

Minsanan lang to eh. Bwahahaha

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In a sentimental mood

As if this is unusual! I'm on the last stages of getting my (personal) stuff out. Damn. I'm beginning to have this funny feeling of missing the people I've been with for the past three years! Since I am still in the office and decided to take my accounting finals next week, having this free time makes me feel the detachment that is bound to happen soon. And I allowed myself to reel in this emotion because next week is THE week.

Remembering when I first started out here, I begin to be caught in the moment when I first went to Singapore and all the firsts that followed thereafter --- losing our way in Japan (Karl and myself), holidaying in Taiwan and staying at our CD's condo, driving up to KL and so many other things. I have about three boxes of anything SingTel-ish to bring home that would always give me so many fond memories. If we don't start talking about work, my stay here has been very very good. How can I just not miss everything?

SGO Colleagues, Singapore March 2004

Despedida for John, Bora Bar May 2005

Hala...cge!

HK's birthday, Jill's July 2005

Kick Off Meeting, Malaysia April 2005

A lot of other pictures would have to be put here to serve as a reminder of the endless possibilities. But life goes on and sooner or later, we will all see each other around :)

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A Happy Problem

And so the inevitable had to happen. I was relieved that he was happy for me, considering that my move can equate to what we call a huge turnover (all is relative by the way). But in any case, I decided not to attend the dinner. What's a futile exercise for anyway?

I googled for inspiration on what I can see regarding a happy problem but found this (which doesn't answer the question). What to do? I am stuck here until God-knows-when (seriously, when they say 30 days notice, you better take it literally) and yet my future has already been making plans for me. Talk about being torn. If these were men, it would've been easier to handle. But my life till end of the year is at stake (I should be getting x3 by early September dammit!) so I need to decide wisely. My mentor is waiting for me at home and I'm trying to "celebrate" the things that transpired a while ago here at the office, looking at my area with a tug in my heart, with a feeling that this has been my home for almost three years. A LOT has happened in this freaking office and I'm not even talking about order processing or hitting the quota. I guess there really comes a time when people move on and we can only hope and pray that it's a move going forward.

I have to get out but I can only do so within a specified period of time. And the other one wants me to go start strutting my stuff with the very same people I'm working with right now! Beat that. So how? I'm so at a loss. Such a happy problem eh? If only life was this simple.

The little girl in me is so dependent on her daddy on how to go about this. Maybe even as if we mature and grow up, what our parents say will always matter right? God I'm just happy I still have my mom and dad with me! Our evening sessions always make my day. Marunong na ko makinig ngayon!

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I'm Off

Today is a very remarkable day. After 6 months, I finally got something I can run to (haha --- that just sounded like an emotional escape). Was eyeing a different destination before but Mother Nature has her ways of pulling me back...and I will still be here (as what my personal life dictates so). Anyway, yipee! It took my headhunter 6 months to find me and only spent 2 weeks to iron everything out. As what they say --- it's a perfect fit; time can be at your side sooner or later.

While talking to my dad about this, he was in his usual element of imparting to me the wisdom of a mentor to his protege. He's definitely my mentor and I am his protege. I'm so always a work in progress!

DJC: Boss, I'm resigning. Effective two weeks from now.
Fictitious Boss: What? Our standard notice is 30 days. Follow the rules.
DJC: Oh don't stress me out anymore. I might get sick.
Fictitious Boss (thinks to himself): Fuck the sick leave.

Bwahahahaha. My dad's humor is great; not so surprisingly my youngest brother got that from him.

It's going to be a tough two weeks (or so, depends) for me from now on. Need to finish all my deliverables and turn over so that the past will not hunt me anymore (which, by the way, is so un-Kayish). I need to make a smooth transition and welcome my new beginning. Yahoo! I can't wait. Since I have not heard from the other side of the world (how can two people from different time zones leave at almost the same time and not do something about it?), bet I should just forego my HK trip end this month and go on with my life as planned.

But whatever it is, I am truly excited. I'm so happy for me!

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Almost There

Just finished an afternoon meeting on what could be yet another beginning for me. Sometimes I ask myself, must we really get out of something in order to start anew? Aren't we able to start anew while we are in the middle of it, without necessarily undergoing certain changes? I guess so. Otherwise, how to start all over again if the limitations are right smack in front of you and we are unable to go beyond that? We all make a move sooner or later anyway.

In any case, I am sooo excited! Getting out is something I don't normally do, although I'm so conscious of being in the comfort zone. A lot of times I've seen people grow old in whatever it is that they are doing only to end up in an equilibrium; a maintenance of sorts that neither growth nor the lack of it can wake up their senses. Then again maybe it is a matter of contentment? Maybe my hands are just full right now what with all the obligations I have to fulfill --- it's overwhelming. And that (at the very least) is what keeps me going.

We'll see how this goes. But yeah, I'm smiling. :-)

Arigato Gozaimas! Haha.

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Friday Musings

Decided not to go to work today. Everything is just blah.

Clive went on to hand his resignation letter but I haven't exactly heard of the details yet. It really doesn't help to know that a lot of your colleagues are leaving and all for the same reason. Well yeah, somehow, we have all the same underlying issues why we all want to move on. I just hope I get to do the same sooner than I think.

I figured things will be better when I see myself in everything that is new. You know? New people to talk to, new environment to be in, new things to do. But until then, all I have is that wishful thinking. Damn, how I long for that moment! Somewhere in between I gotta fast track what needs to be fast tracked.

It's my dad's birthday today...and as usuall, birthdays make me nostalgic --- if not even melodramatic. Haha! My old man is the coolest I tell you --- while I drink my issues away, he is just there listening to me and amusing me with stories from his 56 years of experience. Life is great and only now that I love my family even more. After all, who stands by you when the going gets dark?

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It helps

Ahhh...the beauty of poetry.

I love the little by little part. Sure it connotes time and healing, and to me there is movement...until all else is lost and empty. I guess when you attempt to forget someone, you should attempt to forget everything about them. Like you could only look back with bittersweet memories.

The horridness of it all --- if only I have amnesia!
But yeah...I'm feeling better this time around.

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If You Forget Me

I want you to know one thing.
You know how this is:
if I look at the crystal moon,
at the red branch of the slow autumn
at my window,
if I touch near the fire the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists, aromas, light, metals,
were little boats that sail toward
those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now, if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.
If suddenly you forget me do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners that passes through my life,
and you decide to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember that on that day, at that hour,
I shall lift my arms and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But if each day, each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live
it will be in your arms without leaving mine.

Pablo Neruda

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Her (Broken) Heart

Or better yet, a haiku for those who are lost:

World is vast, scary
Empty days and empty nights
She can't wait no more

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Ng Hwee Boon

She used to be the CD of US for around 2 years and I've never met her at that time. After which she was heading Julia's team back in Consumer before transferring to SGO.

A few months back, she moved to our department and my boss started reporting to her. The day I met her...damn...she's one of a kind. The perfect vision of what I wanted my mentor to be like --- cool and at the same time involved with my work...basically someone I can talk to casually yet work with full blast. But of course, that's the scarcity we have in Manila. She wanted to have Tiger when we were in the karaoke bar; but hesitated because Masagos was right beside us. Well, Masagos is just the CEO of SGO...why not. Bwahahaha.

Sadly, she's leaving. Damn it...I wanna join the bandwagon! Guess there really is more to life than this. Heck, I don't want to spend 20 years in the industry and then decide to smell the flowers or maybe sing a song! I wanna do it now! Or maybe do it both at the same time. Or do them all at once? I don't know. All I'm sure of is I need a fucking change. After all, life is short.

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At 28

Because time itself is like a spiral, something special happens on your birthday each year: The same energy that God invested in you at birth is present once again. --Menachem Mendel Schneerson

A birthday asalto dinner...New York cheesecake...choco mocha crunch cake...a birthday card...a shopping spree... flowers...a cashmere shawl...celebrating your birthday is just damn good! Add to that the fact that my birthday week is all about shabu shabu --- I swear I've never seen so much soup in my life! Hahaha.

With Isha at Cantonese Kitchen

SingTel minus two

With heavy rains flooding the city by Wednesday night, I decided not to go to work on Thursday. Mark picked me up, went to Rockwell (birthday present...yahoo!!!) and had another shabu shabu session over at Mini Shabu Shabu.

Yummy!!!

Waited for the clock to strike at 12 midnight after which Mark had to ask me to go get him some tea (style!!!) and to my surprise when I came back, he was lighting the candle on my birthday cheesecake! How sweet is sweet?

Woohoo...bente otso!!!

And a surprise from the mail...

Thanks Jogo!

Who wouldn't be excited on their special day? I've always loved birthdays and as a way of changing my world, I decided a long time ago to keep track of the birthdays of the people in my life. From grade school friends to friends in my MBA classes, it really does make a difference if you remember and do not forget. It does for me, especially that I keep a list of the people who didn't forget to greet me. To the ones who did, well...next year na lang. Haha.

I guess the highlight of my birthday is this simple one: that of spending it with my family. Surprisingly, this is the first time we actually went out (and together with Mark at that...nak!!!) as I have always spent my birthday with my friends either partying or partying (take your pick). This year is such a refreshing change!

Shabu shabu isn't really one of my favorite things on earth.

How priceless is priceless?

I had a happy celebration...and all for the right reasons :-)

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Me...Delinquent

Damn...it's been what...almost a month? Almost a month of not updating this virtual journal I have created to supposedly keep track of what's happening in my life. Ugh...but the joys of blog surfing just keep me so hooked that I forget to update mine! Hahaha.

I am a better version of myself these days. I feel like the certainty and the clarity I need are around the corner already. At times I can see them lurking around! Pray and keep your fingers crossed...it's been quite sometime that I am learning the ropes of the vicious cycles life can sometimes be made of...

Kinda not uneasy anymore but more of at peace...taking things one at a time and just catching up with whatever life is giving me.

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JOSE GABRIEL NICOLAS C. JAVIER

As we have proceeded to change his last name sometime May (in prepartion for his schooling at Zobel), here's his first day in a bigger school.

Yes, I hear you. My boy is a spitting image of his dad. I just had to say it for the nth time. Hahaha.

Sizing up the territory...

Gabe with his best bud Matthew goofing around while on the way home

With Gabe now requiring early morning attention, my body clock has suddenly changed from the anything-goes to the straightforward, routinary mode. His bedtime is strictly at 9pm and I'm happy to note that he's disciplined about it! Even my folks were surprised that he would turn the TV off a few minutes before 9 and even if we jokingly coerce him to stay up and watch Dino Thunder on cable he would profusely refuse. Hahaha...kids like Gabe make me inspired to be disciplined myself! It's quite challenging though if I get home late because of MBA class (and otherwise)...I feel like I'm a ghost when I wake up at 5am! The sleepyhead in me goes about the motherly duties silently while trying to wake up the senses with the help of cigs.

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VENTOSA ROCKS!!!

Ventosa, or moxibustion, is the typical tanggal-lamig in Filipino culture. I was hesitant for the longest time as I have an idiosyncracy of not being at ease if it's done at home (Gabe and his playing around makes the whole exercise kinda futile). My mom and my sister are all thumbs up about it, however, I feel that it looks kinda funny!!! Hahahaha. My first moxibustion was done while I was studying for my Finacc midterms --- of all the time!

Here's what it looks like:

Now that pic above doesn't look quite good does it? To me it's seems more like a witchcraft that an anti-stress technique!

Here is me...my first Ventosa session!

I am definitely a stressed woman. Ironically, while doing an exercise that cuts down on stress, here I am studying trying to ace my accounting exams!!! Forgive the OC woman in me. And forgive the fact that my Lolo loves Lily's peanut butter and I had to contend with the peanut butter glasses while doing this session! Hahahaha!

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Dazed and Confused

To add more to the confusion I am currently in...choices, choices, choices. What to do?

===========================

What is it about you Kay that gets me thinking and sets me all flustered and excited to go to school everyday to check if you’ve mailed… I have many question marks upon my head and I don’t necessarily need the answers. Like I’ve said before, I conversed more intellectual issues with you, within that 24hours than I did with Ms Chen in that one year we had. Bottom line is Kay, I’ve realized that I’m just very physically attracted to her and that’s about it. Just failed to see the bigger picture about life and the kinda person I wanna have by my side when I'm all grey and wrinkly and yet laugh about all the youthful past that we had. I need to go beyond that skin deep level. Its 150am right now. Joined some frens at a karaoke night club… those with women that sit with u. Was my superficial self, but i'ts all an empty shell in me. Had a superficial chat with the gal who sat with me. Didn’t do anything… a fact that I'm ok with and something that my frens didn’t approve. But what the hell…they do understand. Its freaking 155am and the alcohol in my blood stream is expiring… I’ve yet to say how I feel about you… I can’t really tell right now until we meet up again. You are a really gorgeous girl with an exquisitely beautiful heart and mind and I see myself as lucky to have a connection with you. Honest to goodness, I'm not trying to butter u up… it’s a fact as far as I’m concerned.

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I apologize. I'm doing it all over again. It's just that I've never seen you like this before, and it just got me thinking, you know? What if something did happen and we'd never see each other again? And I-I never got to... So in yet another classic maneuver to avoid emotional intimacy, I wrote my feelings down so that I could write them to you, thereby eliminating embarrassing eye contact... I'm not good with my words when I'm around with you. I want to let you in on a secret. I'm not who you think I am. In fact, my disguise is so thin; I'm surprised you haven't seen right through me. I'm the man of your dreams masquerading as your friend. Sometimes I want to rip off this facade like I did the last time, but I can't because you'll get scared and you'll run away. So I decided that it's better to live with a lie than expose my true feelings. All my life I've learned that there are two types of man. The ones you grow out of and the ones you grow into. I really hope I'm the latter. I may not be the one you love today, but I'll let you go for now, hoping one day you'll fly back to me because I think you're worth the wait. I guess that's my way of saying that you mean a lot to me, Kay. And I know it's not very eloquent... ...but I guess some people are just better with words than others.

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I've been stuck in this rut for quite a while now. And I'm not doing anything about it. In the absence of any clear-cut direction and certainty and clarity. My personal life is hazy nowadays --- a lot of smoke and I just gotta wait for that time until everything falls to its place. But I'm bad...at times I think I compromise their emotions by just letting myself be...not having "the talk" and not letting them in on what is my emotional dilemma at the moment. But do I owe them that? Part of me is scared, part of me is hesitant because maybe there are other better things in store for me? I don't know! I can't decide. I can't risk. Too scared. Kinda getting ancient in this risk taking business that I thought I was used to for the longest time. I am a lost woman...a very lost woman treading in dangerous grounds. One minute I will have the focus I am looking for only to lose it the next time around. I guess that's why my friend isn't really supportive of all the moment rubbish? But that is the only way to live life in this crazy world right? Who knows if it is still with you the following day? Damn it. I try to enjoy what I am given and I end up so freaking confused to the point that I do not know what to do next and I just be quiet and be still and let the world pass me by. I am so going in circles! Ugh!!! You don't get to be almost 28 years old and be this way right? God must have his reasons.

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The Consistent and The Constant

Ok. Enough about those fleeting moments. I guess it's high time to give consideration to the people who stay in our lives isn't it? At least those who try.

Probably what my sister told me kinda made me think. Yeah...why not?

Maybe that's why women wait to see if men would actually call you after saying that they would...and maybe that's why relationships are just hard to maintain these days. It's either one of them decides to go or they are just in it for the wrong reasons. But I am in the middle of figuring out why some do stay...and why are they there in the first place...trying to be naive and innocent and unassuming because you never know...you never know if you are going to get hurt all over again! And maybe because I can only know in good time right? Damn the time element!

I just always find myself back to square one. How to go way beyond this...ugh!!! Of course, the Kay-ish in me would always say what the hell --- you gotta do what you gotta do...enjoy what is given to you.

Double ugh!!!

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New Set of Discoveries

So how? Went to KL a week and a half ago and all I could say is that again...one of life's mundane moments in letting you know that there is beauty in the kind of world we live in. Sometimes though it all gets momentary and fleeting but so what? We cannot control what could happen next and to play it well --- we just gotta deal with the cards we are dealt with.

Driving up to KL :D

Welcome to KL! With Guo Wei and Jules

My favorite Bakuteh dish...love it!

Partying at The Loft

So Jay Jay gets lucky...

While Logan waits for his turn...

With my sista-partner-in-crime Julia. One of a kind!

With our dear Guo Wei...

A BB moment right there...

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For Better or For Worse...I Do

Weddings. There really is something in weddings that strikes the emotional chord in me providing that much needed (im)balance to see the world from a different angle. Because as we get older, we tend to be jaded and wary of all the good things that can go our way. But attending weddings and being drawn to the serenity of the celebration to signify the union of love is another story. To me it connotes that at the end of the day, what matter most is being with someone, through thick and thin, as we journey the life given to us by the one above.

It was picture perfect. For a relationship that was 7 years long, marriage is what's next. And the fact that I went there with Mark and Gabe is truly monumental...although at one point it was kinda scary --- and forgive me when I wouldn't even begin to think of the latter.

Like Father Like Son --- undeniably!

With the newlyweds

More importantly, it was good having to see a very dear friend from way back. Got me to thinking of how precious friendships are as we get older. We learn from our mistakes as we move on and seeing her once again is enough to remind me of some of the best days of my life. It would've been perfect though if our other friend attended the wedding. But as well know, life ain't perfect --- you lose some, you win some :)

That was three years ago. Damn...it's been that long.

With Jill :D

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6 Weeks And A Broken Heart

I should be jailed for doing what I just did today. I broke the heart of a very good man.

I feel so bad. For the past few weeks I was reeling from the craziness of what love can do to me. Got the newness I was asking for and yet somehow, all of a sudden, I woke up one day looking for it and found it to be gone.

I have consumed his lifetime in mine.

Thought about the purpose of him in my life and mine in his and I guess he came for a reason. With him I have realized that I'm indeed capable of newness and surprisingly, able to move forward with what has happened in my life. It is all about fleeting moments. People come and people go. If we're lucky, some stay. Otherwise, we make do with the things given to us, move forward and cherish all things between. After all, our existence is but a composition of different lifetimes put together that can only get stronger and wiser in good time. In the absence of anything concrete, I try to see it on a nostalgic point of view. That at least for a moment, I could say that it was mine...and love was something I welcomed with open arms.

But kill me. Kill me for breaking his heart. Damn damn damn.

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Musings on a Sunday Night

Yep...Sunday night and while in a state of reflecting on the things that have transpired, I light another cigarette to gather my thoughts. I finally got Gabe's pics on his birthday...

My little boy is 6 years old already!!!

Having fun with his school buddies...

Gabe acting up because he doesn't like singing happy birthday twice...hahaha...

***

A late encounter Friday night made me realize that people do not change, well not unless they really would want to.

And that men who are insecure are just *blah*

And that a good and sensible conversation is always tops on my list...

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A Blast from the Past and A Peek into the Future

So I went to my girlfriend's office, had lunch and talked about silly stuff over tamarind soup and chicken teriyaki (and don't forget the carbo load --- ugh!!!). A guy (who used to be special) from not so long ago joined us and the conversation was of course limited to what can be informed to him and the rest of the nitty gritty was confined within the walls of the loo. I swear I love my girlfriends.

He still looked the same, although the hair was definitely shorter and the looks of the other people in the office seemed to convey that they knew what went on and they were waiting of what could happen next. I thought he looked thinner as well, or maybe he was just used to wearing tight fit shirts that shouted like his social calendar is filled with regular visits to the gym.

He said hi and the next few minutes were all about throwing a knowing smile and a stolen glance and I couldn't understand how come he cannot utter any other word aside from the usual greeting. He looked like he wanted to tell me something and I was eager to hear it (in person) straight from the horse's mouth. But I guess he couldn't muster enough strength that the whole time I was beside him he just doodled and explained to me how we can do some voice traffic for their company. Oh and I saw some scribbles of my name too. I felt like I was with a high school junior...trying to invite a girl out but couldn't just get through the motion. I allowed myself to remember the things that happened almost a year ago and I couldn't help but feel that another shot at this would mean another chance to be silly and stupid all over again. He's nice and all but somehow...it's not the same anymore.

Cut to present tense, I go to work and see someone giving me my breakfast and we eat the table and share the moment and talk about the previous night. I see someone squashing me so tight and planting kisses on me and professing the magnitude of his love for me. I smile and remain quiet and enjoy all that happens before my very eyes. A few heartaches ago I was longing to be with someone who can take care of me and accept me for who I am. I bring myself back to the now and see my power breakfast staring back at me. I look up to him and flash him a smile of surrender. Somehow, my heartaches had that power to bring me to where I am right now. And his love gave me a new life...like a second (or third or fourth, we never get tired don't we?) lease in what I thought was a finished chapter. He is the true difference between men who love you with their leery looks and those who claim they do with their false prophecies.

I sit back and wonder why. Then I remember that there is a God.

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Me Slacking Off

Ok. This is really utter boredom hitting me at this very hour but can you blame me? This has been a wonderful and refreshing hobby of mine for the past what --- a month or so? I am totally slacking off and need to get things going if I still intend to do something fruitful in the course of my natural life. Somehow, slowing things at work makes me happy --- it is indeed a guilty pleasure and a sweet revenge to the issues I've been dealing with, at least as far as my professional life is concerned. I go to work with no routine and no planned agenda at all...not counting what to have for breakfast though --- something that I've been used to doing :D

I surf blogs, check my mails (you never know when your next interview is coming up!), give myself a daily dose of my playlists and go talk to friends over at my messenger. It's mundane really...but there's good feeling that comes with it in doing something totally (un)productive. The pressure builds up as I see my workload increasing day in and day out until I finally realize that I need to spend how many sleepless nights just to clear my mails and tie all loose ends. The glamour of international work at its finest!

And it makes me check the clutter here in my laptop --- the personal files I've stored are obviously shouting for some storage and backup --- something I haven't done last January. I read some old mails, looked at some pictures and remembered the fleeting moments I've encountered. I swear, I will really die if my hard disk crashes to death and I don't have anything to bring it back. My memory can only retain so much!

So while I'm waiting for the energy to send the next email, I see this. Nothing major, nothing fancy...it just turned up when I googled for things to do when you are slacking off at work. Hahahaha. At least I am not out there messing on somebody else's personal life!

Blame it on the season, blame it on the office environment, I am just so lazy to work.

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